JOEL III: Hey, Guy
My name is Joel.
And I’m sitting across from this guy
Who used to be my dog
And he’s got the nerve to ask me
“Do [I] regret turning [my] wife into a wolf?”
Hey, Guy.
Do I regret turning my wife into a wolf?
Here’s a question right back.
Do you ask a monarch butterfly
If it regrets
Not being
A little green schfonze?
Hey, Guy.
Should I never have turned my wife from a beautiful woman into a wolf?
Here’s a question right back.
Should you walk right up to Ludwig Van Bae
Tap him on the shoulder
as he’s writing his 9th symphony
Speak very loudly
because syphilis has rendered him deaf
And Say, “Hey Bae
9’s a bit much
maybe dial it back to 7?”
Hey, Guy.
Would I turn my wife back human if I could?
Here’s a question right back.
Would you walk up to the Titan Sun God,
Who happens to be my son,
Just after he separated Light from Darkness,
And the Sky from the Sea,
And the Whole of Nature,
From his own Formless Thoughts,
And ask if he wants a mulligan?
Hey Guy,
I love my wife.
I love my wife as a human.
I love my wife as a wolf.
I love my wife in a place beyond time and space.
Like that Leon Russell song.
And in that place beyond time and space.
I can see the future,
And I can see that history has vindicated me,
And that my statues stand tall
Next to those of Reagan and the Clintons
and the other Gods of Theft.
And People point
At Reagan and the Clintons
And say “Hey.
who are they?
And by what right
Do they stand
next to one of the guys
Who’s married to a Wolf.”
And every few years,
Someone says they saw my statue weeping,
And my acolytes say
“that is impossible
Because that is Joel
And He was the Man.”
And in that place beyond time and space
I can see the past.
And I can see myself
Cuddly wuddly with my human wife
And she’s cuddly wuddly with our wittle dog
Who is only a dog
And we’re crackin' sunset beers
And trying to remember the lyrics
To Leon Russell songs.
And in that place beyond time and space
I can see myself now,
And I see
that I’ve turned my wife
Into a pitiless animal,
And I listen,
To the ragged gargling
Of my Boar Rat.
And at my feet
Is the Wolf
Who would be my wife,
And I’m sitting
Across from this guy
Who used to be my dog
And he’s got the nerve to ask me
Do I regret turning my wife into a wolf?
And I say
Hey Guy,
Not Joel.
