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“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” ― Albert Camus

I’m a big fan of data, and I’ll be honest. When I looked up the Google search trends for the term “how to just be happy,” I wasn’t terribly surprised by what I found – a marked increase over the past five to six years. 

Why did I choose this term specifically? Because it's one I've caught myself searching for on multiple occasions over the past few years. I decided to dig a little deeper to see how we're all doing. As it turns out, we're not doing so great. In 2022, a Gallup poll found that happiness among Americans had hit record lows. 

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At first I was surprised, but as I thought about it, the numbers made a lot of sense. We were still wrestling with the long-tail effects of the COVID-19 pandemic. I know back in 2022, I wasn't feeling so hot. I decided to keep digging, because I couldn't help but wonder if those numbers were heavily influenced by the coronavirus "hangover" efforts. 

Well, not really. Just last week, new research came out that showed the United States did not crack the top 20 happiest countries in the world for the first time ever.

Why? There are a lot of reasons, in addition to what we experience as individuals in our own lives. Global events, the pandemic (still), a lack of optimism about the future, increased polarization in politics, and a marked rise in loneliness – particularly among younger generations who have grown up in remote education and work environments. I could go on. 

⚡ Go Deeper: What does it really mean to possess a healthy growth mindset?

Which is why today's conversation is probably the first of many episodes tackling the idea of happiness. What is it really? Why does it feel so out of reach more than ever? What can we learn from each other? Where do we honor our emotions while also working toward brighter tomorrows?

About this this episode

One of the things I love about this show is our willingness to explore the gray and acknowledge the realities of how challenging all aspects of living a life beyond your default really means. For example, as we’ve talked about in the past, it is a choice to embrace a victor mentality in your own life rather than giving into the easy and insidious comfort of feeling like life is happening to you.

On the other hand, the growth mindset community also has a massive problem – toxic positivity, wherein folks are encouraged to dismiss or simply “rise above” complex, negative emotions, when they are entitled to experience and process those emotions in a way that makes sense for them.  

⚡ Go Deeper: What is toxic positivity, and why is it so toxic?

So, in today’s conversation about happiness, you won’t find any false platitudes or dismissive sentiments. Instead, we’re going to dive into the deep end of the beyond your default pool to discuss in a meaningful way what it takes to find and create happiness in an age where hopelessness is becoming more and more common.

Please note, this conversation features sensitive topics regarding mass violence that may be difficult for certain members of our audience.

Takeaways + Highlights

• Happiness is a personal and individual journey that requires self-reflection and understanding. Sometimes it may require moments where you have to acknowledge you're building a life to someone else's standards rather than your own.
• As Americans, we need to be aware of our tendency to lead toward a tunnel-visioned mindset regarding our identity, as well as the sometimes corrosive idea of American exceptionalism. Geographically, it makes sense why we struggle to embrace more global perspectives — about happiness or anything else, for that matter — but it is our responsibility to look at these challenges as a global narrative. And that we should be looking to learn from those who are different from us. We're better together.
• The consumption of news can have a significant impact on one's perception and happiness. However, there are necessary conversations around privilege to be had, related to our ability to disconnect from what the news is. So the idea here is to find the blend that works for you, while maintaining a mindful news of the sources of news you consume and how often.
• Defining happiness and setting personal goals can lead to a more fulfilling and joyful life. But it requires us to be clear on what we consider happiness, without looking to others or pop culture to define what happiness is for us. 
• The journey to happiness involves letting go of baggage, embracing personal growth, and redefining one's relationship with the world. Happiness is a subjective concept that cannot be universally defined.
• Creating something that helps humans be better humans is a fundamental goal.
• Happiness is not dependent on perfection or success.
• Practicing gratitude can cultivate a more joyful and fulfilling life.

Questions We Discuss

• How surprised were we by the data about American levels of happiness?
• Have we struggled with happiness in our own lives? Either due to personal reasons, community issues, or world events?
• What does happiness mean to us? How do we define happiness now, and how has our definition changed over time?
• Is there a universal definition for happiness?
• What do most people get wrong about happiness and what it takes to be happy?
• What are ways in which folks can honor their feelings about the world, or what’s happening in their lives, and also explore ways to find or create happiness in their own lives?
• How do you work through your own moments of hopelessness toward a happier mindset now?
• If you could leave our listeners with one way to challenge themselves about their own relationship with happiness in the coming week, what would it be?

Happiness Quotes

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” ― Abraham Lincoln

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” ― Tom Bodett

“Take responsibility of your own happiness, never put it in other people’s hands.” ― Roy T. Bennett