Welcome to episode #84! We’re thrilled to be joined by Annelil Desille today.
Annelil Desille is an ADHD-registered clinical psychologist who blends lived experience with evidence-based practice to support neurodivergent individuals. Her special interests include neurodivergence, the mind-body connection, sexual health, intimacy, attachment, and spirituality.
Through her work, she helps neurodivergent individuals and couples navigate the unique challenges of relationships, task paralysis, self-acceptance, and personal growth. She also runs couples retreats focused on rebuilding intimacy and improving communication for neurodivergent partners.
In this episode, we discuss ADHD, PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), neurodivergent relationships, and practical strategies for overcoming daily challenges.
Welcome to the show, Annelil!
Questions
JN: When did you first realize you were neurodivergent?
- Identified with ADHD in 2018 during a binge-eating trial study
- Diagnosed formally with autism in 2021 after a colleague recognized traits in her
- Struggled with self-doubt but eventually embraced her neurodivergence
JN: What were some of the biggest challenges you faced in school?
- Struggled with stats (had to take six years of it in her psych degree)
- Severe task initiation issues, leading to all-nighters and procrastination
- Excelled in subjects she loved but found others nearly impossible to engage with
JN: How did your diagnosis change your life?
- Medication was life-changing—marks jumped from 60s to 90s
- Allowed her to develop self-compassion for struggles she previously blamed herself for
- Created affirmation decks to help herself and others embrace neurodivergence
JN: What challenges do you still experience now?
- Task paralysis due to PDA—struggles to start even things she enjoys
- Uses the INCU acronym (Interest, Novelty, Competition, Urgency) to overcome task avoidance
- Finds creativity and gamification essential for motivation
JC: What are you currently working on?
- Couples Retreats – Helping neurodivergent couples rebuild intimacy and improve communication
- Task Initiation App – Developing an app that provides customizable voice prompts to match energy levels
JC: What strategies work best for productivity?
- Water bottles & snack stations to avoid breaking hyperfocus
- Body doubling and external accountability to stay on track
- Gamification – Making boring tasks fun by turning them into challenges
JC: What productivity strategies don’t work for you?
- Time blocking & Pomodoro method – Feels too rigid and disrupts deep focus
- Strict consistency – Prefers a continuity approach (changing up habits every two weeks to maintain novelty)
JN: What does your morning routine look like?
- Low-spoon, medium-spoon, and high-spoon versions based on energy levels
- Journaling, gratitude, and affirmations as key daily habits
- Prefers buffer time before work (arrives an hour early for flexibility)
JN: How do you manage sleep with ADHD?
- Struggles with sleep regulation and frequent vivid dreams
- Antihistamines unexpectedly helped with sleep due to histamine-related sleep disturbances
- Works with her body’s natural rhythms rather than forcing early wake-ups
JN: Where can people connect with you?
JC: Final words for the audience?
- "Figure out what you need before seeking external solutions."
- "You know yourself best—trust your instincts and adapt strategies to fit your brain."
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Connect with Jeremy:
LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/nageljeremy
Email: jeremy@focusbear.io
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