In this conversation of the Grounded Union Podcast, Brandon and Caitlyn sit down with Russell and Kim, a couple married for 32 years facing the devastating aftermath of eight physical affairs. Russell reveals his pattern of infidelity spanning decades, including one affair lasting over two years, while Kim shares her experience of steadfast commitment despite repeated betrayal. The hosts guide Russell through the crucial realization that he's been lying to himself, not just his wife, identifying missing pieces in his story that keep him trapped in denial. Caitlyn powerfully confronts the incomplete narrative Russell presents, explaining how his "iceberg" of hidden behaviors prevents true healing. The episode offers profound insights into breaking through denial structures, the connection between childhood trauma and adult acting out, and why radical honesty—not just avoiding getting caught—is the only path to genuine freedom and intimacy.
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Timestamps & Key Moments:
- 00:00:12 – Introduction to Season 3, Episode 5: Brandon introduces the live call-in format and welcomes Russell and Kim, high school sweethearts married since 1993.
- 00:01:22 – The "Invisibility" of Long-Term Betrayal: Kim shares the devastating realization that much of their 38-year history was built on a foundation of secrets and compartmentalization.
- 00:03:18 – Sexual History Exploration: Caitlyn asks Russell to describe his full sexual story within the marriage, including any pornography use or other addictions.
- 00:04:33 – Abuse, Faith, and Deep Shame:Russell reveals being sexually abused by a youth pastor and growing up in a highly religious home, creating conflicting layers of guilt and secrecy.
- 00:09:51 – Breaking the Denial Structure: A mindset shift is introduced that allows real healing to begin by inviting the truth instead of blocking it.
- 00:12:58 – Why Kim Stays: Brandon asks Kim the crucial question of why she's chosen to stay through all eight betrayals over the years.
- 00:13:57 – Major Missing Puzzle Pieces: Caitlyn begins identifying red flags and inconsistencies in Russell's story, noting gaps that suggest incomplete disclosure.
- 00:17:23 – The Iceberg Analogy: Caitlyn explains the "Iceberg" concept, where Russell currently only sees the tip (conscious affairs) while the vast majority of his behaviors and motivations remain submerged in his subconscious.
- 00:24:37 – “I’ve Been Trying Not to Get Caught My Whole Life”: Russell connects childhood fear and rule-breaking to the way he now approaches marriage and temptation.
- 00:35:43 – Doing the Work for Yourself: Brandon encourages Russell to seek healing not just to save his marriage, but to save his own soul from the "slow death" he has been living for decades.
- 00:42:30 – Choosing Safety and Embodiment: Caitlyn instructs Russell on how to use "embodiment" to thaw his denial, emphasizing that he must tell his body it is finally safe to remember the truth.
