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Welcome to episode #142! This week's episode is a practical guide for those who are trying to navigate their response to their spouse's sexual betrayal.
Getting support is not dishonouring
You may think that to tell your story as a victim of betrayal is dishonouring to the one who betrayed you. You can honour your spouse while getting the support you need. Consider what your heart posture is. Are you trying to slander your spouse and make them look terrible? Or are you trying to get healthy for yourself and your marriage in the face of what was done to you? Are you using honouring or dishonouring language when talking about your spouse? These are some questions to consider.
You must be real with what happened and with the emotions you feel. Rely on trusted people who will help you, rather than immature friends who will simply want to slander your spouse with you.
Prioritize your emotional safety
When deciding which boundaries need to be set in place in your marriage after betrayal, a key question to ask is, "Do I feel safe in this situation?" Things like having sex, opening up emotionally, letting our spouse do things in private, and showing physical affection can all cause trauma-reactions like a flight, fight, or freeze response. It is fair for you to set boundaries that you need to protect your own heart in the healing process.
Boundaries should be more firm if the offending spouse is not repentant or seeking help. If they are repentant, the boundaries can be different than they are when they are unrepentant.
Your marriage can get better
Many couples report that after working through the trauma and insecurities related to a sexual betrayal, their marriage becomes better than ever. Both spouses get to know each other on a new level, they know themselves in new ways, and they know God in more intimate ways as well. All of this can lead to a new marriage with the same spouse that doesn't seem possible in the midst of the extreme pain betrayal causes. Be careful to not make rash decisions on your future, but focus on pursuing healing first.
What is God asking you to do? Stay and fight for your marriage? Leave for your safety? Make sure to spend time seeking God for direction and follow the guidance He gives you.
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Resources
Relay app
Episode 26 - The Munoz Story: Intimacy After Betrayal with Clinton and Charity
Episode 50 - Wives Roundtable With Rosie And Charity: Responding To Porn In Your Marriage
Episode 92 - Dave and Kirsten Samuel: Exposing Secrets After 25 Years Of Marriage
Episode 93 - Dave and Kirsten Samuel: A Brand New Marriage...With The Same Spouse!
Episode 134: Forgiveness: Your Key To Freedom with Bruce and Toni Hebel
Episode 135: Forgiveness: It's A Transaction, Not A Process!
Pure Freedom Community for men 18+
Pure Freedom Journey for men and women
Book a FREE call (men)
FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage
Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)
Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code RM30 for 30 days free
Podcast Hosts
BRADEN HAFNER
Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He has been married for 13 years to his wife Kristen, and they live in Edmonton, Alberta. He is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com
MATT CLINE
Matt and his wife Louise raise their little guys, David and Oliver, in Edmonton, Alberta. He is honoured to do what he can to tackle the epidemic of pornography and sexual perversion in every way possible. Seeing lives and marriages get free and experience the love of God in profound ways is what drives him every day. He leads Restored Ministries, is a certified speaker and coach for the John Maxwell Team, and formerly played hockey in the WHL and for Hockey Canada. You can visit www.restoredministries.ca.
