Transcript for ep14
Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about FAMILY HARMONY.
Harmony is the core of each family, especially for parents and children for this modern world. Both parents are working and the gap between parents and children gets bigger due to busy working schedules and too many external influences.
In this modern world that we live in, we are blessed with the ability to afford material things like computers and smartphones. With the modern technology that we own, we enjoy the entertainment and neglect our family members and it has caused us to forget to put in an effort to bond with the family. We take for granted that our family members should listen and agree with us no matter what, we think that since we are family, we don’t have to make time to bond with each other.
Without putting in the effort to create a harmonious environment, many quarrels, disagreements, and unhappiness will arise and this will lead to many family tragedies.
After my son was born, my husband and I have differing views on parenting. We have a lot of disagreements and these disagreements led to misunderstandings and disappointments. This has also led to high tensions at home, I used to wonder why am I the only one who put in the most effort to care about my son’s future while my husband doesn’t care at all. Why does he care about money more than us? He would often tell me off and question me why I have to buy all those things for my son.
I like to buy toys that are able to help improve creativity or develops problem-solving skills for my son. These toys are usually more expensive than other toys. For my husband, he feels that I’m overspending and it is not necessary for my son as he is still young. I will also enrol my son for many tuition and enrichment classes like piano, mathematics, Chinese classes because I worry that he might fall behind his peers and I do not want him to be left out or lose out.
Whenever this happens, he will be upset with me and I will be unhappy, this in turn builds up a lot of unhappiness between us even though we did not quarrel.
How did I overcome it?
I used to think that by buying the toys for my son, I have fulfilled my responsibility as a parent and helping my son to develop well. I failed to understand and did not find out more if my son really needs the toys and classes. I would listen to what other mummies are doing and blindly follow them.
It was only until my son entered primary school and exhibiting behavioral problems which got me thinking about my parenting methods. Maybe my husband was right after all.
I started to rethink about my husband’s advice, do I really need to buy all those toys and how many of them are really suitable for my son, perhaps I should be concerned about building his character instead.
While I used to think that my husband is stubborn and always insists that he is right, I realized that I also behave the same way as him. Very often, unhappiness happened because we both have our own belief but we have the best intentions for the family. I found out that I am more idealistic while my husband is more practical. I learn not to insist on my way and be more receptive to my husband’s comments. I started to make an effort to understand where he is coming from, and his concerns over the things I do for the family. I am able to understand him better and we have lesser disagreements. Now we have a better understanding of how we want to nurture our son
Whenever my son throws tantrums, my husband will reprimand him without finding out the real cause. And this has led to many huge quarrels and the relationship between my husband and my son was strained. As for my parenting style, I would prefer to find out what is the real cause of the problem and guide him properly without scolding him.
I wanted to improve my relationship with my husband and also his relationship with my son so I would share parenting articles with my husband. Things started to change when my husband shifted his parenting style.. The atmosphere at home is more calm and positive as compared to previous times when we were always insisting on our ways. This has definitely made my son less tense, more relaxed and a happier boy.
We need to love, be responsible and tolerant towards our family members, do not take them for granted, and there will definitely be struggles and not a bed of roses, especially for new parents who need to handle work, life and raising young children, however, Family Harmony needs time and effort from everyone in the family. By doing so, when we look back after many years, the sacrifices and hard work will pay off and our children will inherit this important family value.
If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook and the link is in the show notes.
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I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you TIPS ON HOW TO BE YOURSELF AND BE SHE IS CONFIDENT.
