We had the best time sitting down with Becky Allender — writer, grandmother, co-founder of The Allender Center, and yes, longtime partner-in-life-and-love to Dr. Dan Allender. But make no mistake: Becky is a force in her own right. Her presence is warm, steady, and disarmingly honest. And for decades, she’s been a vital voice shaping the work that has impacted thousands through Dan’s teaching, writing, and the Allender Center’s mission.
In this conversation, Becky reflects on entering what she calls the final chapter — not with resignation, but with clarity, intentionality, and grace. She shares what it means to show up fully in marriage at this stage of life, especially as Dan focuses his last major professional efforts on the topic of marriage itself. Becky names what it’s like to be drawn more visibly into that work, to keep growing in her own voice, and to embrace the joy and ache of this season with open hands.
We also talk about parenting — the beautiful and brutal reality of reckoning with the ways we’ve missed the mark, and how to best engage when our adult children bring their stories back to us. Becky's example of listening with humility, resisting the urge to defend, and offering genuine curiosity is a masterclass in becoming more like Jesus. We discuss what it means to bless our grown children even when their lives and choices look different than ours did, and to trust that God is big enough to hold what we couldn’t.
This episode is honest, tender, funny, and rich with lived wisdom. Becky doesn’t offer easy answers — but she offers something better: a deeply human picture of love, courage, and grace that keeps unfolding across decades.
We’re so grateful for her presence, and we think you will be too.
