Show Notes
Episode 10
In this Episode Heather discusses:
Links mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com
Hello, welcome to episode 10 of the for the love of adoption Show. Today on this 10th episode, I'm going to be talking to you about 10 things to know before you start the adoption process. So, making the decision to pursue adoption is one of the most worthwhile decisions you'll ever make in your entire lifetime. It's a big deal. And I want to share some tips to know before you start the process. Some of these tips could be the difference between you feeling like you can't adopt and realizing that you can. So, I hope that you really take this in and get a lot out of this episode.
Alright, number one, the cost of adoption is no reason not to move forward. You can't afford adoption. This is a big one. It could literally be the difference in you successfully adopting a child or stopping before you even start. I know I talk about this a lot. And that's because I hear people complain about the cost of adoption and use that as an excuse not to move forward. And secondly, this is why we almost didn't move forward. So I get it. Funding Your adoption is entirely possible. If you will open your mind to the possibilities, you can afford adoption. Don't let money be the reason you don't move forward. If you start Googling the cost of adoption, it can be enough to make you think it is impossible. I mean, when we first started considering it and learned about the cost, it was overwhelming. It almost kept us from even starting. We spun our wheels, we took years to get our finances figured out. And for us it was what took the longest. And we did not need to take that long, we just didn't know better. So, I'm going to help you with that. We took much longer to figure out our finances than it even took to be selected by a birth mom, we took a long time. But those years did teach us something valuable. So now we can share it with you. There are so many financial options available for adoption. So many! Affording adoption is such an important topic and one that I get so many questions on. So don't worry, I've got you covered with resources on my site. So, you can know how you can move forward with adoption regardless of your financial situation. You can check those different resources out on my site. But here's what I really want you to grasp. If we had let finances get in the way, we would not have our two children. That is crazy! I'm so glad we pushed through and figured this out. And I'm thrilled that I can share it with you. So, if this is a reason you might not move forward with adoption, we can tackle this head on and deal with it because funding your adoption is absolutely possible.
Number two, adoption is worth it. Hear me on this! Despite all the work, the paperwork, the meetings, the classes, the waiting, and even the challenges of parenting adoption is worth it big time. There's going to be ups and downs throughout your adoption journey. When you decide to start the adoption process, you're signing up for a bit of a roller coaster ride. It's a lot like life, though. There were times in our adoption where doubt set in and we wondered if it would really happen. In our first adoption, we found out that we were being considered by a birth mom several times or at least our profile book was being viewed and we weren't selected. We waited and then we waited some more. In our second adoption, there were times we thought birth mom was going to change your mind. It was hard. But guess what, despite all of that it was worth it. Every adoption is unique and you're not going to have all the answers to all of the questions. Try to rest in the fact that every other couple that has ever adopted before you has had unanswered questions and times of doubt, but I promise you that once they hold their child, and once you hold your child, you knew why you had to wait. You knew that that was the child you were meant to have. If you decide to be brave and jump into the adoption process, you will discover just how WORTH IT adoption is.
Number three, adoption can take a while. Adoption usually takes a while. On average, if you choose to adopt an infant, it can take a few years, that's okay. While you go through the adoption process, you will be busy doing all the adoption things, the paperwork, the classes. So just breathe, and let God determine the timeline. Do not let all the things scare you. The training the classes and the paperwork are just part of the process. And like anything else, when you take it one step at a time, and just keep moving forward, it works out when I finally realized that I wanted the child God had for us. And that that meant I had to wait for that child to be born, I became a little more relaxed about the timing. And now I can't imagine my kids not being my kids. We waited for our daughter for three years if you consider the time when we finally got everything together for working with the agency. If you consider it from the time we started considering adoption, it was more like 10 or 15 years. And we waited for our son for about seven months. So guess what? It all worked out.
Number four, having support while going through the adoption process is important. Tell others, particularly people that you feel will be supportive. There was a time when we entertained the idea of keeping our adoption plans a secret, we thought it might be easier, and we thought it might be kind of fun. But in hindsight, I am so glad we told everyone honestly, we could not have done it without sharing our plans because the support was what made it possible. Not only did the prayers and the words of support help more than anyone could imagine. The financial support of friends and even some strangers made all the difference. We had an amazing woman we never met in person who heard about our adoption plans on Facebook make a very generous donation toward our first adoption. It was extremely helpful for us being able to move forward with our adoption, it was on her heart to do so. And that donation is what helped us reach the final amount we needed to move forward. It was an enormous blessing that we would not have received if we hadn't told others about our adoption plans.
Could you use some encouragement as far as some things to know before you adopt? If so I have created a free download for you that's going to do just that. There are 10 things that I want you to know before you adopt. And you can find those in this download. You can get this for free in my resource library. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com. Go to the homepage and scroll to the bottom, you'll see a link there for the resource library where you can get this PDF and many others that are going to help you in your adoption journey. Adoption can be hard and sometimes you just need to know some things before you even get to the step where you're jumping in. So go grab this I know what's going to help.
Number five, I talked about this in my most recent episode. Be yourself in your adoption profile. I remember being nervous when it came time to create our adoption profile. It felt like our simple life, our small home and other factors really might not fare well for us when it came time to being selected. It didn't matter. Don't worry about that. Just be honest. God already knows what child or children he intends for you. And that child is going to fit in just fine with your real life. So be real and honest. At the same time, I do recommend that you follow some advice when creating your profile book so you can really catch the attention of a potential birth mom. And you could even have someone help you design it if you'd like. We kept ours simple and used MixBook. We had our adoption agency, look over it and offer any suggestions. You can go back to Episode Nine. If you want to learn more about creating your profile book.
Number six, An experienced adoption agency and/ or lawyer is worth every penny. I cannot say enough about our experiences with our agency. Are there moments of frustration throughout the process? Absolutely. Probably more than I can count and probably more than I remember now. But it was not the agency's fault. When I became overwhelmed or frustrated, I was actually able to call our caseworker and talk it out with her. It was amazing. She really became like a friend through the process. Also, we were able to rest in the fact that they were taking care of all the important details, and we didn't have to worry about it. I know that some people choose to adopt without an agency and if that's your preference, and you do your research, go for it. But absolutely make sure you have all the important legal details handled by someone that knows the ins and outs of adoption and all the aspects that go into a successful adoption. And if you meet or you even start working with someone and it doesn't feel right, do not ignore that gut instinct. You want to work with someone that you're confident knows the process, and that cares about doing it right. With our first adoption, we used an adoption agency for everything. And with our second adoption, which was a direct placement, we used an adoption lawyer, and we just went through the agency for our home study, I highly suggest getting a referral for an adoption lawyer. You don't just want someone inexperienced with adoption, handling something or someone so important.
Number seven, open adoption is awesome. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't waste any time or energy being concerned about open adoption. Initially, I was so worried about what open adoption would be like. Would we be co-parenting? Would it be too invasive to allow us to form the family bond that's so vitally important? And the answer is no, not at all. I completely understand that open adoption can seem scary and intimidating at first, it absolutely was for me. But now, five years after our first adoption, I've spoken to other adoptive parents with closed adoption that wish theirs was open. They wish that part of the puzzle was complete for their child as well as for them. Not to mention practical things like being able to get medical information if needed. So, if you have felt hesitant about considering open adoption, or you don't even really understand what it means, go back and listen to some of my previous episodes. I think it's episode six and seven dive into open adoption.
Number eight, people will make careless comments, do not worry about it. Remember that we as adoptive parents, we are in the minority. Most people you meet do not adopt and it's hard to understand something if you haven't personally experienced it. So, try not to take what seems to be careless comments personally. One comment many adoptive parents get is about your child's "real" parents. I've heard it. Again, try not to take it personally. I know we are our children's real parents. Just smile and know that they most likely mean well. You are your child's real parent in every sense of the word.
Number nine, the love of an adopted child is the same. Don't ever worry that you won't love an adopted child as much as a biological child. Yes, there can be bonding issues, but this can happen with biological children as well. And this is also something I'll dive into in another episode. Also, if you just need some encouragement and want to read some encouraging quotes and scriptures about adoption, you can find some on my site.
Number 10. If you're a Christian, please remember this. God will guide your adoption process. As I said in the beginning, there are going to be unanswered questions. Try to rest in the fact that God already has it all worked out. He already knows who your future child is. If you just follow his lead and do the next thing in front of you, which sometimes in adoption honestly is just to wait, you will be able to enjoy the journey much more than you otherwise would.
So let's recap the 10 things to know before starting your adoption process. Number one, you can afford adoption there are plenty of resources. Number two, adoption is worth it. Number three, the adoption process is often not quick, be prepared for that. Number four, having support while going through the adoption process is very important. Number five, be yourself in your adoption profile. Number six, an experienced adoption agency and/or lawyer is worth every penny. Number seven, open adoption is awesome. Number eight people will make careless comments. Don't worry about it. Number nine, the love of an adopted child is the same. And number 10. God will guide you in the adoption process if you trust in Him. So those 10 tips should really help as you think through whether you're going to move forward with adoption.
