Show Notes
Episode 20
In this Episode Heather discusses:
Links Mentioned:
fortheloveofadoption.com
https://for-the-love-of-adoption.ck.page/adoption-101
Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this? Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not with an adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the steps keep you from building your family through adoption. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption, including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are. You know what, though? It can also be amazing. I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that has gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in.
Hello, friends. Welcome to Episode 20 of the for the love of adoption show. How am I already on episode 20? I have no idea. Today, I'm just going to kind of talk about adoption, not my normal episode where I'm talking about tips or just different things. Today, I just want to talk about some different things on my heart about adoption.
So last weekend, we got to spend an awesome time with our kids birth mom and her daughter and her family. It was incredible. We went to a waterpark. They were celebrating our kiddos birth mom's daughter's 10th birthday. She invited us and we were like Absolutely. And I was so glad that we went and spent that time it was. It was wonderful. We spent the night there. And it was just so many great memories. She wants us to come again in the future. And we plan to invite her to our kids parties. And it was just awesome. It was just such a special time of bonding time. I loved seeing my kids with her. I just love that they know their story. I love that they know where they came from, and that she loves them and that she made the decision she made out of love and that they get to grow up and know her just means so much to us. So that's something that's on my heart.
Something else I just want to talk about is kind of some of the stuff that being an adoptive mom has been like what are some of the differences and maybe being an adoptive mom versus biological mom. So one thing in the beginning, there is so much paperwork. Oh my gosh, one of the funny little sayings that I loved when we were in the process was "no morning sickness so far, but the paper cuts are horrible." I will say though, that once the paperwork is done and you bring your baby home, that waiting period that the birth mom has to change your mind. it can feel intense. You're caring for your babies every need from the day you bring them home and you worry about them and you love them like any parent. And imagining that they can be taken back as hard. Although the truth is that that's rare, the thoughts still there. And that's a pretty big deal.
Another thing about being an adoptive mom is like I was mentioning earlier how we spent last weekend with our kids birth mom and her family, there's extra people to love. That's one huge difference in my mind that makes adoptive moms different. We now care for an extra person, our child, but then also the birth mother or maybe the birth parents or maybe extended family on their side with open adoption. And no that's not the case for everyone. But it is becoming more and more common. And this makes me happy. When we first started the adoption process. I absolutely could not imagine an open adoption. I knew I was going to prefer closed. But the more I learned about open adoption and how it was generally better for everyone involved, especially the child I became more open to the idea this person was going to change our lives forever by choosing us. Why wouldn't we want to know her and have her be a part of our lives. No one else is ever going to give you a gift like this. In my opinion. It's an absolute honor to have her as a part of our lives. We love having the privilege of knowing her and spending time with her. There are plenty of extra people to love.
Another thing that stands out is unexpected disappointments come up. Adoption is not easy. Not only is there tons of paperwork, training, fundraising, there's also disappointments when you find out that your profile was shown but you weren't chosen again. Or you plan a meeting with your child's birth mom but it falls through.
Also the actual adoption finalization that can be a bit anti climatic. I've seen adoption finalization that happened at court with pictures and celebrations that followed. Ours involved getting a letter in the mail. Don't misunderstand, we were so excited we will receive that adoption finalization letter! But it wasn't exactly what we were expecting as far as a finalization celebration, although we did make our own little celebration after that so it worked out.
Another thing with being an adoptive mom is just unexpected emotions. I can still remember that day we walked in and we met our children's birth mom, I had no idea at that moment how much I would care for her. A lot of people don't seem to get this or just how we could be comfortable having such a relationship with her. But some people do get it. And you're not probably gonna get it if you're not in this adoption world. If you're not someone that's adopted and has an open adoption, it's probably not going to make sense. And that's okay. Other adoptive parents with close adoptions have told me that they're jealous of our open adoption, that they wish they had that. I'm thankful that we do.
Here's the thing, our children's birth, mom and us share a love for these sweet children. That's something really special with open adoption. I'm honored to have this amazing extra person in our lives. We're blessed to be our kids parents. And she's the reason that that's even the case.
Another thing, explaining I love adoption, and I'm passionate about it. So I actually love questions and enjoy talking about it. And I don't always intend to tell strangers and acquaintances that we adopted. But I end up telling pretty much everyone because I love it. I'm proud of it. I could get away with telling no one because my kids look like me. Everyone comments on that, even birth mom and her family. But I'm too passionate not to talk about it when I have the time. Plus, maybe somebody is interested in adoption, and I can help them. And that matters to me.
Let's be honest, adoption can be overwhelming, right? In sometimes when you're thinking about adoption, when you're considering it. You just need to know where to start. You just need to know, what do I do? Like, how do I figure this out? And what are the basics of what I need to know? Can somebody just tell me the basics? Well, I have put together an eight page guide, that is adoption 101. It talks about types of adoption, things to know before you adopt adoption terms, how to find adoption support, which is very important. Adoption costs, which we all need to know right? The steps to take to adopt books to read about adoption, and even talking to your child about adoption. This is a jam packed eight page guide, that really we'll just lay out the basics for you. Because again, adoptions overwhelming it is I get it. And sometimes we just need to be able to see something that kind of just talks us through okay, what do I do? And what do I need to know. That's why I created this this eight page guide, I spent a lot of time on to really fill it with what I thought was the most important things you need to know to consider adoption and just get started. If you decide it's right for you, you can get this completely free. Just go to for the love of adoption.com. And scroll to the middle of the homepage, you will see an image that says adoption 101. Because look, if adoptions on your heart, I believe that calling is there for a reason. And this eight page guide can just help break things down and help you get started. So make sure you go grab that today.
Just overall, I know that adoption is a heavy topic. It is not all rainbows and unicorns, right? And although I talk about it in a more positive light than some, it's because I believe that we get to choose what we focus on. And we know adoption is hard. We know it involves tragedy. But that's not where I'm going to focus. I'm not going to dwell on that. We chose adoption so we're going to make the most of it. We're going to love our kids, we're going to let them know their story. We're not going to hide things from them, we're going to be honest with them, we're going to love their birth mom the best we can because she chose us. She picked us. I mean, that's pretty cool. I would never want to deprive her of a relationship with them. So like I've said before, for as long as they can have a healthy relationship with her, we are all for it. We love it.
So anyway, today was just a little bit different on this 20th episode. Just wanted to share some of my thoughts on adoption, some of the funny things that you go through when you choose to embark on an adoption journey. But most of all, just to say, yes, adoption is hard, but it's amazing. I wouldn't change how we built our family. And I love that I get to help encourage others.
I also just want to leave you with some adoption quotes. I love inspirational quotes. And there's just something about finding a quote that just really speaks to you that I think is just so powerful. And I have some of my favorite adoption quotes here. So I thought you might enjoy hearing some of these.
"I hold my daughter in my arms arms and I thank God for bringing her to me. If the standard route for creating a family at work for me, I wouldn't have met this child. I needed to know her. I needed to be your mother. I know now why all those events happened or didn't happen so I can meet this little girl she is in every way my daughter I am carrying my funny gift from God and all is good." That is from Nia Vardalos. Instant mom is the name of the book.
Another one from her "Because now I know what I've been waiting for. I know exactly why the other processes didn't work. I know I was supposed to wait for this little girl. "
"Indeed, for all of us who are believers our present circumstances and futures aren't defined by our past. Our identities are found in Christ alone, as believers in Christ were adopted into God's family. Adoption. It's a beautiful thing." That's from Kelly Rosati. Wait no more one family's amazing adoption journey.
Here's a funny one I love. "I have four children two are adopted, I forget which two." That's from Bob Constantine.
And if I'm mispronouncing any of these names, which I'm sure I am please forgive me.
"A son or daughter in any human family is either born to or adopted by the parents. By definition a child can't be both but with God were both born of him and adopted by him." Jerry bridges in Holiness Day by Day Transformational Thoughts for your Spiritual Journey."
"Adoption has the dimension of connection not only to your own tribe, but beyond widening the scope of what constitutes love ties and family. It's a larger embrace. By adopting we stretch past our immediate circles and by reaching out via an unexpected sense of belonging to others."That's Isabella Rossellini.
I love that quote because again, it takes me back to that connection we have to our kids biological family.
" Adoption was a bumpy ride, very bumpy, but God was it worth the fight." Mariska Hargitay
"I think adoptions a blessing all around when it's done right." Hugh Jackson
"My birth mother brought me into this world but it was my adoptive parents who gave me life." Christina Roma
"Time and experience have taught me a priceless lesson, any child you take for your own becomes your own if you give of yourself to that child. I have born two children and have seven others by adoption and they're all my children equally beloved and precious." Dale Evans.
"Somehow destiny comes into play.These children end up with you and you end up with them. It's something quite magical." Nicole Kidman
"By choice we've become a family first in our hearts in finally and breath and being. Great expectations are good, great experiences are better." Richard Fisher
"My life has been shaped by the decision two people made over 24 years ago, they decided to adopt a child they got me and I got a chance at the kind of life all children deserve." Karen Fowler in Reflections on Motherhood.
"Anyone who ever wondered how much they could love a child who did not spring from their own loins know this. It's the same. The feeling of love is so profound. It's incredible and surprising." And that again is Nia Vardalos from Instant Mom.
So anyway, guys, I just wanted to chat about adoption a little bit, share some thoughts, share these quotes. I hope this was just an encouraging little episode for you today. And I'll end this 20th episode with a little quote of my own, "I believe that if adoption is on your heart, it was put there for a reason, and that regardless of any obstacles that seem to be in your way, it will become a part of your story, if you trust and take the next step."
Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com and scroll to the bottom of the homepage, you will be able to access all kinds of PDFs there to help you along different stages of your adoption journey. And if you've enjoyed this at all, if you could please leave me a review and rating it helps more than you know. Talk to you next time.
