Show Notes
Episode 8
In this Episode Heather discusses:
Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com
Hi, friends. Welcome to Episode Eight of the for the love of adoption show.
So far, I have shared our adoption story. I had an episode on different types of adoption and their associated cost ranges, we talked about some ways to know that you might be ready to move forward with adoption and the differences between open versus closed adoption, as well as advantages and disadvantages.
Now today, I'm going to get into five adoption steps to get you started and some questions to ask yourself, if you think you might really be considering moving forward with adoption. These simple steps and questions can just help you in launching that journey. Grab something to take notes on if this is your situation, because you're probably going to want to refer to this or if you're listening at a time when you can't take notes, you might want to come back and listen again later.
So the truth is, the idea of pursuing adoption can be very overwhelming. And many people do not know what adoption steps they need to take. Some perspective adoptive parents give up before they really ever even get started. I read a stat recently that 38% of practicing Christians have considered adoption, but only 5% have actually moved forward with adoption. I know one of these reasons is because people get overwhelmed. They think they have to have it all figured out. They just think the process is too overwhelming. And they basically quit before they even get started. I understand it's a lot to think about. Where do you begin? But I'm here to tell you that if you just take it one step at a time, it is a lot less overwhelming. But you might be thinking, Okay, that's great. But what steps do I take? What exactly do I do to begin the process?
So again, today, I'm going to outline five simple adoption steps to get you started. And these basic stepping stones could take you farther along in your journey than you can even imagine. They took us to adopting two kids. If you're a Christian, pray right now in every day for God's peace and His guidance as you embark on this exciting journey. I can tell you right now that for us without His peace and guidance, we would not have made it we would not have made it very far at all in our adoption journey, we would not have actually adopted. Okay, let's jump in.
Number one. Basic research. If you haven't already started researching, decide on a starting point to gather more information. Will you research online? Maybe look at some adoption groups, maybe some Facebook groups? Will you speak to some friends who have already adopted? Will you read some books about adoption, maybe you'll attend a free informational meeting at your local adoption agency. Or maybe you'll do a combination of these. Just start with one and go for it. You're not committing to anything at this point. You're just learning more just to verify that this is right for you and your family, our journey. If you listen to episode one and two, you already know this but our journey started with doing a little research of our own and eventually attending an informational meeting. If you want to hear more about that you can go back to Episode One and Two I get into quite a bit of detail there.
Number two, realize that you don't have to have it all figured out to get started. This might not seem like a step but it is breathe. Hold on to this throughout your entire adoption journey. One step at a time is what gets you to this amazing dream, don't get too wrapped up in all the details in the beginning, adoption can be overwhelming. And it's going to be more overwhelming if you think you have to have everything figured out at once any worthwhile goal when taken step by step is very doable. So again, don't think you have to have it all figured out, just take a step, you might already have some idea of whether you want to adopt a younger or older child, or you might be considering domestic or international adoption. Or maybe you have no idea. That's okay, too. Don't feel like you have to have this all figured out in the beginning. And if you do need more information on different types of adoption, and their possible cost ranges, go back to episode four, where I dive into that, because that might kind of help you know where to start. So we started the process thinking we were going to adopt from China, that was what I thought our journey was going to be. But after attending an informational meeting, we made the shift to pursuing domestic adoption, it's okay to just start gathering information, even if you're unsure if you'll move forward with that particular path.
Number three, read some books on adoption. This can be a great way to learn more and prepare for the journey. And these can include practical how tos, or books of encouragement, start with whatever speaks to you. There's really no right or wrong here. And if you need some books, suggestions, you can also find those on my site at for the love of adoption calm. Would you love something simple, that just helps you start thinking about simple steps you can take to start your adoption journey, because it can be overwhelming, right. And sometimes simplicity is what we have to bring back into even something as complicated as adoption, I have created a PDF that is five simple steps to start your adoption journey. These are not big, huge, overwhelming steps. These are some simple things you can do to start moving you in the direction of adoption. If you'd like to grab that for free, you can get it in my resource library, just go to for the love adoption.com. And scroll to the bottom of the homepage and look for the link to the resource library where you can get this free PDF and many others to help you on your adoption journey. Look, adoption can be hard and complicated. But it doesn't have to be in the beginning. Just simple things can help launch your journey. So go grab this. And I really think it's going to help take away some of the overwhelm and just get you started.
Number four, start to think about the type of adoption you might be interested in, you want to really start thinking about what you're drawn to. Again, if you're just starting to gather information at this point, you don't have to make any solid decisions. But the adoption process can look different for each type of adoption. So start to consider the following questions. So you begin to get an idea of what your next steps might look like. And again, I just want to say go back to Episode Four if we need to hear more about different types of adoption and their associated cost. So let's dive into what some of these questions would be to help you get clear on the type of adoption you may be interested in. Would you like to consider adopting a baby or an older child? One thing to consider here is that a waiting child refers to a child who's older or a part of a sibling group or maybe has a pre identified medical condition. And oftentimes, these adoptions happen faster, whereas you'll likely wait longer if you choose to adopt an infant. Obviously, this is a very personal decision and one that you'll want to decide based on what your family feels is right for them. I will say infant adoption takes patience. So you need to decide if you are in this for the long haul and you're okay with it taking a while or if you want to choose the type of adoption that's likely to happen faster. So another question is are you interested in adopting domestically or internationally, domestic adoption refers to the placement of a US born infant for adoption by their birth parents who legally consent to the adoption with an adoptive family of their choosing. international adoption is a type of adoption in which an individual or couple becomes the legal impermanent parents of a child who is a national of a different country. Another question, will you adopt privately or will you maybe go through the state foster care system foster adoptions or foster adopt is a form of adoption in which a child is placed into a home as a foster child with the expectation that the child will become legally free to be adopted. And again, I talk about this in Episode Four where I break down different types of adoption. But it's very important to understand that foster care is temporary and adoption is permanent. When you're diving into the foster care and foster adoption world just make sure you have the correct expectations.
Private adoptions one of the most common types of adoption especially When it comes to that of an infant in private adoption, the birth parent or parents voluntarily placed their child for adoption. They often choose the family with whom they'll place their child. Birth. Parents can either find a family on their own through word of mouth or profile searches. There's a lot of like adoption online sites where birth parents can go look or via the help of an adoption agency or an attorney. Another question to ask yourself, are you open to adopting outside of your race? Another question, would you consider adopting a child exposed to drugs or alcohol or even with known medical issues? A couple of things you might want to research if you are considering adopting a child with exposure is fetal alcohol syndrome and opioid exposure. I do plan to get into that in a another episode. But that really needs to be an episode on its own. So if that is something that you are considering, then do some research on that. Another question, are you interested in open or closed adoption? Basically, are you open to having any sort of communication with the birth parent. And just one little note here, after years of thinking, I could never consider open adoption. I'm now a huge advocate of open adoption. And just want to say that it's amazing. And I wouldn't trade it. So don't write it off too fast, if even if it feels heavy, because that's how it felt to me at first, do some research on it. Open adoption is a form of adoption in which the biological and adoptive families have access to varying degrees of each other's personal information. As an example, in our adoption, we have contact with the birth mom, I text her pictures, I let her know how the kids are doing. Sometimes we get together, we're very open with our children that they're adopted. They know she's their birth mom, she's very important to us. And we want them to know everything they can about her, we're so glad that she's in our lives. Because of that our kids have a big piece of their life's puzzle that they wouldn't otherwise have. So as long as it's up to us, and it can be a healthy relationship, we've chosen to have an open adoption agreement. And we are very happy with that. Again, you can get a lot more information on open versus closed adoption, and the advantages and disadvantages of each by going back and listening to Episode Six and seven of the for the love of adoption show. But having an idea of your answers to these questions will help determine your next steps. And as you move forward, these initial thoughts might change. But it still helps to have an idea of what you're considering as you research. Just remember things do change, it's okay. We started out very confident that we were going to go with international adoption at first, and then closed adoption. But after learning more, we ended up going with open domestic adoption. And now we can't imagine having it any other way. At this point. If you haven't already, you might want to include others in your adoption journey, such as an agency or an adoption lawyer, so you can really get a clearer idea of what's next. And depending on what type of adoption you decide to pursue, and whether or not you decide to work with an agency that'll help determine your next steps.
Number five, think about finances and start formulating a plan. Sadly, this is where a lot of people get stuck. Many types of adoption are quite expensive. If we had let this stop us we would never have adopted. Thankfully, after so much research, we figured out how to gather the funds between our two adoptions, we gathered about $35,000. And much of that was from adoption grants and find raising, if you are going to require financial assistance, which many families do, this would be a good time to start researching options. If there was one thing that slowed us down, it was this and all the time I spent trying to figure this out on my own. If you want to learn the details of how we raise so much, you can actually find my funding adoption guide which goes in to detail on all the different things that we did to raise that money. It goes over fundraising, grants, loans, and budgeting, help and all those things. And you can learn more about that on my site.
So I hope that these five simple steps just help you take some action. Let's just recap them real quickly. So you can just think through what you want to do if you're considering adoption just to get started. Number one basic research, jump in, start doing some basic research one way or another number to realize you do not have to have it all figured out to get started do not get hung up on having to have the full picture of what this is going to look like. Number three, read some books on adoption. This can be a great way to really learn more and feel more confident as you step into this journey. Number four, start to think about the type of adoption you're interested in and ask yourself the different question We went through number five, start to think about the financial side of it, start formulating a plan, start figuring that part of it out. That was what took the longest for us. Again, I hope that these five simple steps help you take some action. Even the simple act of picking up a book or listening to a podcast, just taking a single step can do more than you can ever imagine, in turning your adoption dreams into a reality.
Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey, and I'm always adding more. This includes downloads of grant recommendations, adoption fundraising ideas, an agency questionnaire, a hospital checklist and much more. You can find that by going to ForTheLoveOfAdoption.com and scrolling to the bottom of the homepage. And if you have an idea for something you'd love to see added to this library, please send me a message and let me know. I'm always looking for ways to help you on your adoption journey. If you enjoy Instagram, be sure to find me there @fortheloveofadoption, where I love to hang out and share live videos and plenty of adoption tips. I'm always excited to support you in your adoption journey. See you next time.
