她只是
不想再做一个好伙伴，一个好士兵，
球场上靠谱的队友。她想
全无准备去参会，头发乱糟糟，
衣衫不整，散发着午后滚床单
和苏格兰威士忌的气味。她想穿红色细高跟
靴子去参加院长的早午餐，在舌头上
打钉，在身上某个几乎人人都能看见的部位
纹个身。
她想
把课取消，去跳肚皮舞，
把遴选委员会的预算
用来骑摩托车穿越阿尔卑斯山，
在研讨会前嗑药——
让幻灯片喷薄而出欲仙欲死。
她要在大厅焚烧工作申请，一次烧一张
自吹自擂的页面，把年度评审摆上
赌桌，全部下注，并且输掉
——永远输掉——不堪一击
对语词的鞭笞。
她要赞美
滑坡效应，赞美摇晃的脑袋，
和告诫的语气。在外面有一整个世界
她想要接入，在里面有一整个世界
她只想放弃。
作者 / [美国] 劳拉·阿波尔
翻译 / 唐小栗
She just wants
to stop being a team player, a good soldier,
someone to count on in a pitch. she wants
to arrive at the meeting unprepared, hair wild,
clothes askew, scent of afternoon sex
and scotch. she wants to wear red stiletto
boots to the dean’s brunch, have her tongue
pierced, get a tattoo in a place
everyone can almost see.
She wants
to cancel class for belly dancing,
spend the search committee budget
on a motorcycle tour through the Alps,
get high before the seminar—
powerpoints exploding in a psychedelic haze.
She’ll burn job applications in the lobby, one self-
promoting page at a time, place annual reviews
on a blackjack table, bet them all and lose
--for good—the untenable
scourge of words.
She’ll celebrate
the slippery slope, the shaking heads,
the cautionary tones. There’s a world outside
she wants to take in, a world inside
she just wants to let go.
Laura Apol
声优 / 格雷斯、Dye
声优值守 / Jeffery
版面值守 / 照朗
出品 / 读首诗再睡觉（dushoushizaishuijiao）
