Tammy is a listener-turned-guest who takes us into her American Jewish culture and shares how that shaped her early experiences around sex and marriage, and led her into situations that were unhealthy and downright dangerous. She dedicated herself repeatedly to making a better life for herself and her children—a life that hopefully includes serious sexual satisfaction and positive role-modeling for her children.
Tammy is a 33-year-old cisgender female who describes herself as white, Jewish, and has two kids. She and her husband are married by Jewish law but not legally. She is currently monogamous, but may be open to exploring other options in the future. She describes her body as an hourglass figure with a few extra pounds.
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Bookmark moments:
- 3:20 - Tammy shares her first memory of sexual desire, playing with the showerhead at around age 11-12 and finding her mother’s vibrator. She did not witness affection between her parents.
- 6:50 - She talks about how growing up in a Jewish family impacted her views on sexuality.
- 10:18 - Tammy decides to leave school and get her GED to get out from under her controlling mother. She goes to live with her grandparents who aren’t much better, and she turns to Yahoo groups to get access to dating and boys. You guessed it: catfish.
- 17:00 - She gives in and sees the guy, then goes into a panic when she realizes how in over her head she is. The incident turns into a memory blackout.
- 19:18 - Tammy talks about her first husband, and how her community taught (or not) young virgin wives about sex and its place within Jewish law.
- 27:18 - She opens up about the first time her husband displayed violent tendencies, and she chose to leave with her infant daughter.
- 31:35 - She tries to find her way into more mainstream culture for dating. She meets a guy she knows is wrong. A honeymoon in Vegas ends in annulment and another baby.
- 40:00 - Tammy talks about dating while pregnant, and then as a young mother.
- 47:30 - Tammy meets someone different, and she gets her first taste of bad boy attraction. It ends, and she finds herself running a divorcee dating network. She meets someone different again, this time “nerdy.” He seems like a good guy and they get engaged, but there’s a porn addiction.
- 55:30 - They both start 12-step meetings. Leah talks about porn use vs porn addiction.
- 1:02:00 - Tammy shares how her body image was negatively impacted by the porn, how her withdrawal and her husband’s waning interest stalled their sex life, and how he failed to stay off porn.
- 1:09:44 - She started listening to this podcast and thinking maybe there could be more, her hopes for the future, and how she wants to raise her kids to be open and have positive models.
- 1:17:15 – The Lowdown - Tammy answers questions about sex on her period, partners, toys, positions, clit stimulation vs penetration, achieving and/or faking orgasm, touch, building up pleasure, older men, masturbation, hair vs bare, 3-ways, blowjobs, receiving oral, smell and taste, breast play, ass play, dirty talk, laughter, confusing sexual urges, body parts, fantasies, and more.
Resources:
Tracy’s Dog – Tammy’s favorite toy! https://www.tracysdog.com/collections/best-sellers/products/2-in-1-g-spot-vibrator-with-clitoral-sucking
Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) - https://coda.org
Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACoA) - https://adultchildren.org
Patreon:
Creating this show isn't free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.
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EPISODE CREDITS:
Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco
Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak
