Description

Within every powerful Black Woman is a little girl. Within every powerful Black Man is a little boy. Both genders have historical wounds that are not named but felt in the way we interact with each other, especially when it comes to vulnerability. 

This week, Dr. Venus talks about how both Black Men and Women have inherited historical trauma due to North American Chattel slavery, and how these survival strategies can cause us pain and suffering when we don't tend to each other or work to heal these wounds. She discusses the double standard when it comes to Black Men tending to their pain and healing, and shares seven teaching points on how to empower Black Men without losing your own power. 

When we see how the sensitivity Black Men can have around respect is so rooted in trauma, we can work on healing with him by tending to his little boy within. Let's talk. 

Key Takeaways:

[6:25] When it comes to loving a Black Man, one of the things we have not accounted for as Black Women are the wounds that they have. Black Men were whipped, punished, demeaned, and pimped out in front of their family because of North American slavery, and made to feel disrespected and powerless. 

[8:00] For Black Women, there are certain survival strategies that we have to combat feeling invisible and like our voice doesn't matter. One of those survival strategies is relating to Black Men like they are well, and they are not. There is no way they could be well because we are still healing, but at least we as women have safe spaces to self-reflect. They don't. 

[9:30] We have a historical wound around being heard. Our voice was not honored, and even when we said no, they still took from us and forced us to work, have babies, and give our bodies to them. To try and contend with these wounds, we have a practice of needing to get the last word in, which can trigger and get tangled with Black Men's historical wounds around being disrespected. The viciousness in which they were penalized and hurt has led to a very high sensitivity to respect, which makes them feel a certain way when a Black woman speaks up. 

[12:27] The more we speak up, the more he can feel like we are talking down. Until we unpack this cycle, it will run us and get perpetuated generationally. This means as we take accountability for our own emotional wellness, Black Men must do the necessary internal excavation. This doesn't necessarily mean religion, it means going inward and doing the real emotional labor. 

[18:31] Black Men have wounded Black baby boys in them, just like Black Women have wounded baby girls within ourselves. When we tend to that, we can have mercy and grace. 

[20:39] Until you understand how to empower the Black Men in your life, you are going to be struggling. 

[21:48] You need to start accounting for the humanity of Black Men and see him as someone's little boy that didn't get taken care of, who was neglected, traded on, and wounded. You don't need to do anything about it, just to account for it. 

[22:14] This does not mean to let a man off the hook for bad behavior, and to accept abuse or cheating. This is about something different. 

[23:10] As a Black Woman, you have more power than you realize, especially in terms of your impact and influence on the Black Men in your life.

[27:00] Teaching Points: 

1. You can not empower a Black Man until you have healed your own relationship with your father. You can still heal even if your relationship is broken or non-existent. Dr. Venus shares how she took on her father wound. 
2. Don't speak until you can say it with love. 
3. Stop dating men that are projects, thinking you can change him. When you turn a man into a project, you shackle yourself to a person who has no commitment to the version of himself that you see. Don't date, marry, or get in bed with someone's potential. 
4. Hang out with the people who are where you want to go. Get into new networks, and stop fishing from a pool of people that will waste your time. 
5. Don't expect him to emotionally heal you. Be accountable for your own emotional wellness. 
6. Only God can heal you. Your man is not equipped, the same way you can't take on his healing or fix him. 
7. Schedule baby boy love. Tend to the aspects of him that he doesn't tend to, and make it about fun and emotional connection rather than sex. Whether it's a weekend of playing with trucks, coloring, or something that makes him feel safe and tended to. 

[42:03] There is nothing wrong with having trauma. It's part of being alive, but we must be accountable for seeing Black Men in light of compassion and grace. 

[43:50] America is built to tear us apart and to keep us oppressed. It's going to take healing at the level of cultural consciousness and we are going to have to do it together. 

Quotes:

• "My women may support me, but my brothers carry me." 
• "When you can actually account for the humanity of the Black Men in your life and throw some grace and mercy on it, it gives you access to influence." 
• "Now I have it that Black Men love me and take care of me. They provide for me and protect me. Because it's true." 
• "When you put yourself in his orbit and be your amazing self, he will find you." 
• "Let's meet the brothers who love us and who are taking care of us halfway. Let's give them space, the grace, and room to speak their truth with no penalty, condemnation, or correction." 
• "In order to heal, you've got to access grace and mercy. You've got to forgive and let go." 

Mentioned:

Dr. Venus Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram 

"Hot Mess Millionaire" Amazon Pilot 

"Hot Mess Millionaire" Complete Series

(https://www.youtube.com/c/DrVenusOpalReese)

Pre-order the GurrlApp here: www.TheGurrlApp.com/presale 

Free Gift When You Join The Truth Tribe

The Black Woman Millionaire Hot Mess Edition

ATTENTION BLACK WOMEN:

If you want to be THE FIRST to know about ALL things Dr. Venus' tech start-up, fill out the form below so you get access FIRST to updates, launches, and the behind the scene scoop! http://bit.ly/DrVenusAppInfo

RESOURCES

1. Be a Great Husband (feat. TD Jakes)
2. Internal Arguments: It's Worth The Fight! -
3. The Self-Esteem of a Man
4. Healing With Him
5. The Power of Agreement - Bishop T.D. Jakes