Being a strong Black woman can kill you. The people pleasing, stress, and depression can really take a toll on your health, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Yet in our society, Black women are lauded for self-sacrifice and we are encouraged to keep going, even when we are tired and at the end of our rope. What do we do when we have been fed and rewarded for being strong, but there is no room for us to be human?
This week, Dr. Venus goes in on the courage to be insecure. She shares the historical context of why Black women can't have basic feelings, and why we even police each other to just get over things and be strong. She gets vulnerable herself and shares a recent story where she feels insecure, and how she realized that "being strong" was a survival strategy passed down from slavery, not the thing that has made her success. While being strong DOES have its place, it does not allow others to help, love, or support you. Especially when you need it most. Let's talk about it.
Key Takeaways:
[3:40] Dr. Venus shares a story where she recently was getting ready for a date with her new bae and wanted to have her hair in two big beautiful French braids. Her hair was not working out the way she had envisioned, and it left her feeling frustrated and upset. She has always had more confidence in her brains than her beauty, and was feeling down on this particular day that her hair wasn't as silky or smooth as she desired.
[8:02] Dr. Venus went to her community, her tribe, and shared about this meltdown. She got much support and was so grateful for all the love, but one response stood out to her. Just trying to take care of her the way she knew how, one Black Woman said she needed to be strong. This was a way for this woman to show love, but it highlighted the historical wound that Black women carry of not being able to have a full spectrum of emotions. Instead of sad, mad, tired, or upset, we just have to be strong.
[9:45] You are a Black woman, but you are a human first. As a human, you have a RIGHT to every emotion and feelings that other human beings have. When you are upset, it's appropriate to feel hurt and wounded.
[11:03] This is not a bad thing, it's just a wound that we have inherited. Black Women have been socially rewarded to be the workhorse and the cash cow. So much so that we police each other with messages like "don't cry" and "get over it".
[13:13} Do you give yourself permission to be vulnerable? Dr. Venus shares that her success did not come from being strong. It came from being honest, raw, and authentic.
[14:39] Black women have been turned into factories and animals, and not seen as humans with feelings. North American slavery had to justify using our bodies for labor, and we had to find pride in the work we've done and adjust our lives to that. The more we can see this, the more we can encourage ourselves and others to know that it's okay to have deep feelings and strong emotions.
[17:13] Don't suppress yourself. Instead, distance yourself from people that want you to shut down.
[18:00] As Black women, we are so rewarded for self sacrifice that we think it's wrong to say "no" and protect our peace. It takes self love and courage to say no and be real about not always feeling strong.
[23:08] It's important that we tend to our inner child / little girl selves. When they feel neglected, they can be quite petulant and strong willed, ready to sabotage our life until we finally pay attention.
[24:50] Dr. Venus demonstrates how she talks to her little girl self and turns her from 'Worthless Wanda' to 'Wonderful Wanda'.
Quotes:
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