In this episode of the Imperfect Men's Club Podcast, Mark Aylward and Jim Gurulé dive into the lost art of civil discourse—why it matters, how we've strayed from it, and what it takes to bring it back into everyday life.
The conversation explores:
Why civil discourse is more than politeness
Civil discourse goes beyond surface-level politeness or avoiding conflict. It's about creating space for real dialogue that expands knowledge, challenges assumptions, and strengthens community. Mark and Jim unpack why this practice is critical for healthy democracies, strong relationships, and personal growth—and why its absence is fueling so much of today's division.
The rules of engagement
The guys walk through the simple but often ignored ground rules of meaningful conversation: focus on issues rather than attacking people, defend your positions with facts instead of emotion alone, and be willing to entertain the possibility that you might learn something from the other side. They show how these guidelines, when practiced consistently, shift discussions from combative to constructive.
The personal cost of polarization
What happens when we refuse to hear opposing views? Jim shares how shutting down or resorting to labels prevents us from seeing nuance, while Mark reflects on how defensiveness narrows our ability to learn. They both highlight the mental, relational, and even physical toll of living in a constant state of us-versus-them—and how practicing civil discourse can relieve that burden.
Practical steps to have better conversations
Civil discourse doesn't just belong in politics or philosophy—it's useful at the dinner table, in the boardroom, and even on social media. Mark and Jim share practical steps: asking genuine questions instead of making assumptions, pausing before reacting, finding points of agreement before diving into differences, and setting clear intentions for the exchange. These tools help turn difficult conversations into opportunities for connection.
How leaders (and men especially) can model calm, strength, and curiosity
Men are often conditioned to argue, defend, or dominate conversations. Mark and Jim challenge this narrative, suggesting that true leadership shows up as restraint, humility, and a willingness to be curious. They discuss how modeling composure and curiosity—especially in front of family, teams, or communities—creates ripple effects that invite others to follow suit.
Mark and Jim reflect on their own experiences—moments when they've struggled to stay grounded in heated discussions—and the lessons they've taken away about presence, restraint, and humility.
This isn't about "winning" arguments. It's about building mutual respect, deeper understanding, and a stronger sense of connection in a time when it's easier than ever to divide.
If you've ever walked away from a conversation thinking, "That went nowhere", this episode will give you the tools—and the courage to try again, differently.
