When we sit with the weight of the truth that LOVE IS A PROCESS OF MEETING NEEDS, we are reminded that if we're going to love someone, that means we're going to:
- Notice their needs and do what is in our power and capacity to meet those needs so that the one we love can live in truth, and can experience personal growth and emotional healing.
- Intentionally build a relationship of trust with the person we care about so they will let us love them.
When we sit with the weight of that truth, it also reminds us that if WE are going to experience love, that means we're going to:
- Recognize our own needs and let God and others love me so I can live in truth and I can participate in my own maturity and my own healing.
- Be willing to trust others in the places I am vulnerable—places like unresolved issues, immature habits, ways of relating I learned in survival mode…
The takeaways in this episode are powerful:
1. What does it mean that love meets our need for acceptance with unearned love? It means that we don't have to measure up. It frees us from the need to simply be compliant and do what you want me to do so you will accept me. It means I can have unresolved issues and you're not going anywhere.
2. Loved unconditionally doesn't mean I don't own my impact and influence in a relationship. It means that I can be real and honest and vulnerable and I will not be judged or shamed or threatened with abandonment.
3. When I experience the love that stays with me, my unresolved issues begin to resolve…and I participate in my healing. When I experience protection from shame, I start believing the truth about myself and that truth becomes obvious in my behavior. And when the truth of who I am in Christ becomes obvious in my behavior, you get to experience the love that meets your needs too, even when your behavior doesn't earn it.
We mention these resources in this episode:
The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming by Henri Nouwen
A movie --
The Heart Of Man
