Brooke Rasmussen, a fellow Gottman Educator and mother of 7 is on the podcast this week to talk about the Four Horsemen, the four most common attitudes and behaviors that harm relationships.
These horsemen show up even in healthy relationships, but when you’re struggling the Four Horsemen seem to take over:
- Criticism – when a complaint becomes a personal attack on your partner
- Contempt – when you take a position of moral superiority over your partner
- Defensiveness – using excuses, a victim position, or reversing blame to get your partner to back off
- Stonewalling – avoiding your partner by tuning out, turning away, or acting busy
The good news is there is an effective antidote to each bad habit:
- Replace criticism with a soft startup – talking about your feelings using “I” statements and expressing a positive need.
- Replace contempt with gratitude – remind yourself of your partner’s positive qualities and find gratitude for positive actions.
- Replace defensiveness with taking responsibility – accept your partner’s perspective and offer an apology for any wrongdoing.
- Replace stonewalling with self-soothing – take a healthy break and spend that time soothing your emotions.
Get the full shownotes and links to resources mentioned at https://keeptalkingrevolutionpodcast.com/ep-31
