When IVF fails and you're childless after infertility, people often try to cheer you up with "at least you can…" comments.
But what these comments really reveal is how uncomfortable our society is with sadness. In this episode, I share how a recent injury reminded me of that cultural reflex, why sadness is not a flaw, and how you can create room for both grief and growth as a childless woman.
Plus: details on my free class September 17 and my World Childless Week panel on September 20, Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman.
Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable
Have you ever been told "At least you can travel" or "At least you don't have to pay for college" after your IVF failed? If you're childless after infertility, you know how painful and dismissive these "at least you can" comments feel. People think they're comforting, but they rarely land that way.
In this week's episode of The So Now What? Podcast, I explore what these comments really mean, why they don't help, and how to stop internalizing the silent message they send — that sadness, disappointment, and grief are emotions you shouldn't feel.
You'll hear:
Why people reach for "at least" comments and what it reveals about society's discomfort with sadness
How my nephew's recent soccer injury reminded me of our instinct to erase someone else's sadness
The connection between these comments and what we hear when IVF fails
Why sadness is not a flaw but proof that something mattered to you
How to hold both infertility grief and the good that still exists in your life
Why rediscovering your identity as a childless woman can shift your story from loss to strength
This episode also celebrates the 4-year anniversary of The So Now What? Podcast. Four years of creating a community for women who were left without resources after fertility treatments ended without a baby.
Free Resources & Upcoming Events
Free Class: Wednesday, Sept 17: Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond Without Spiraling or Shutting Down). Morning/afternoon in the US, evening in Europe. Register here!
World Childless Week: Saturday, Sept 20: I'm leading a panel called Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman at 8 AM CT / 2 PM BST. Join us live or catch the replay. Register here!
Free Guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond) Download it for free. CLICK HERE!
☕ Help me celebrate 4 years of The "So Now What?" Podcast!
If this podcast has supported you, would you leave a rating or review? Reviews help more women who are grieving infertility discover this resource.
As a thank-you, I'll send you a $5 Starbucks gift card.
👉 Here's how to claim it:
Follow the step-by-step directions here to leave your rating or review.
Take a screenshot once your review is posted.
Email it to me here: hi@lanamanikowski.com
When I receive your screenshot, I'll send you a Starbucks gift card as my thank-you for celebrating this milestone with me.
Sadness doesn't mean you're broken.
Grief after infertility is real, but it doesn't define your whole story. Listen to Episode 183: Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable to learn how to stop internalizing "at least you can" comments and start creating space for both your grief and your growth.
