We improvise some intro music. The plumber’s coming. I can’t remember who we’re shouting out to so I go get the laptop. Rob hates James Blunt and transforms him into a chicken. Shout out to Alan of Bionic Geniuses who sent in his photo, which is on the web page. It’s my birthday show so Rob gives me a shit birthday present. Rob tries to make me into an agony aunt – this section is really bad. Dancing sentences. Someone pushed me around in a club. The dance of death. Seventies dances: the dying fly, the pogo, headbanging. Making yourself faint. Rob first got drunk at the age of seven. I tell how I stole our dog’s valium at the age of five. Rob tells his tale of valium. There was a guy on the radio who wanted to be a serial killer. We’re drinking wine because it’s my birthday. Rob talks about the people who have been made ill during drug trials. Rob’s puns are really getting on my nerves. Rob claims one guy’s head swelled up to three times its normal size. I tell the amazing story of the discovery of tomatoes. Mr. No-Smoking and moisturisers. Pepper. Shout out to Brian Marquis who is not from the Bionic Geniuses and he’s sent us his photo too so it’s on the web page. I try to cut of Rob’s nose with some scissors. Rob thinks this show is shit.
