Description

You want to find happiness with your spouse. So, lower your expectations. Shocking, right? We’ll get into what that actually means.

You have high hopes for your relationship.

You might think about past joyful times in your relationship, or compare it to other relationships you see. But little frustrations build up every day, and it begins to build into resentment in your relationship. You’re getting stuck in negativity and disappointment instead of finding happiness with your spouse.

It’s time for you and your spouse to really be happy in your marriage.

I know it’s important for you to have a happy marriage. You want to appreciate your spouse and to be appreciated. You want to get along, make decisions together, and not be derailed by little frustrations.

What are the facts about your satisfaction in your marriage?

New research has studied sacrifice and how it impacts satisfaction in relationships (Zoppolat, Visserman, & Righetti, 2019). A “sacrifice” in this research was something you might experience in typical daily life.

What the research found:

• When one person perceives a sacrifice from their partner, they typically experience appreciation if they perceive that sacrifice as being altruistically motivated.
• Also, when the sacrifice is not expected by the receiving partner, it is more meaningful. So when the receiving partner of the sacrifice holds lower expectations, that sacrifice may be more welcomed and appreciated.
• This also shows us how important it is to hold realistic expectations and focus on gratitude. Witnessing your partner sacrifice for you can also increase your respect for them.

This increase in respect, gratitude, sacrifice for the better of the relationship, and appreciation all lead to relationship satisfaction.

Knowing what research teaches us, what does that really mean for how you can find happiness in your marriage?

1. Lower your expectations. Don’t expect or put pressure on your spouse to make certain actions. Allow them space to do it on their own, out of love for you, instead of trying to live up to an expectation you’ve already set.
2. Make sacrifices. Do it for the greater good of your relationship. Be intentional about checking yourself. If you do something out of motivation to meet your partner’s standards or you expect a “thank you” with it, then it likely won’t have the same impact as if you were doing it just because you care about your spouse.
3. Practice gratitude. Start recognizing something you appreciate about your spouse, even something small, every day. Thank them. The key here is appreciation and gratitude.

Resources:

Zoppolat, G., Visserman, M. L., & Righetti, F. (2019). A nice surprise: Sacrifice expectations and partner appreciation in romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407519867145

Special thanks to:

Will Gladden of LEVEL Digital Music Entertainment for making the music for the podcast.

http://www.leveldme.com/

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