Hi there, happy new year! And today I’m going to introduce you a group of Chinese patients who could be your future best friend from China.
They have a clinically diagnosed disease called political depression. Symptoms include a depressed or irritable mood for most of the day along with thoughts and feelings of sadness, emptiness or hopelessness. And most importantly, the loss of the thoughts and feelings of control over one’s destiny. The perception that work, education, imagination and perseverance do not matter and that there is a ceiling on one’s possibilities. This is a quote from Huffpost by Dr. Robert Lusson. And in my own words, it’s a feeling you find out you live in prison, that’s it.
I’ve been through this political depression twice. The first time happened quite subtly.That’s a long period after I read the Animal Farm by George Orwell when I was a sophomore in college in 2012. The second time happened quite lately in the October of 2022, when the video clip caught the former president Hujingtao was escorted out of the two sessions in front of the whole country, that’s the moment that I confirmed with the voice in my head « it’s truly over »
I’ve met friends who have the same political depression and I was the one reversely comfort them with the philosophy of carpe diem. Chinese people are inclined to be long-term viewers, so I drag my friends’ sight back to look at today, just today. I felt relieved that they’re good and lived on their own philosophy of life when I left China.
And I saw a lot of Chinese overseas who also suffered from this depression but they had got rid of it by breaking the prison physically like me. However, deep down, my mind keep telling me it’s not over yet. Let me tell you this way…
Five years ago, when my American friend asked me why not to immigrate, my answer was like directly without thinking « they should leave, not me, it’s my land »
Have I changed my thought now? Not really. Let me tell you a secret, I was and I am still, always right about the political trend in China. Yes, I leave, right now. But it doesn’t mean I leave for good. I’m finding myself a shelter before the storm.
Save the theoretical system analysis by loads of experts or what. I’ve sensed it and it’s close. People like me can see the trend, but no one can predict the exact accident that will trigger the fall. What China needs is an accident that no one knows in what forms, by which sides, because the Chinese system is big and full of bugs, errors, failures, and defects. Imagine you are driving an old car with every gadget got its problem, your mindset would be like drive it as far as it can go, and then dump it when it’s done, you wouldn’t think about repairing at all. It would be quite a show for outsiders, but not a surprise for those who have been there.
What I care is what’s next. Things after this accident. My hope lies in there. To all my political depressed buddies, stick to our vision, and think about the next. During my twenties, I couldn’t be a journalist nor a lawyer because of the circumstance of my country. Sometimes I lamented about the bad timing of my generation. But nowadays, I have a strong intuition that that’s because we have something more important to do, we’ll be the ones to create the environment that allows Chinese people do what they want to do, namely, Freedom. You pain, then you gain.
Lately, I got to know the difference between « Ego »and « confidence ». Ego is something purely about yourself. But confidence is sth beyond. Those who suffered political depression are actually the ones who care about the others.
They are actually the hope.
Lastly, I’d like to share one of my favorite quotes by Toni Morrison:
« If you are free, you need to free somebody else. If you have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else. »
