Description

Are you ready for some football?

Presuming, of course, that we're speaking in American 21st century cultural sport slang... the one where football is played with a prolate spheroid and pits steroid-fueled madmen against each other in a gladiator-like setting as drunken Las Vegas visitors morph into rabid observers salivating over the violent action as well as their jalapeno poppers who join living room parties throughout the homeland all tuned to CBS Sports' broadcast of SUPERBOWL 58.

On this day of unity, we become a nation filled with willing devotees who, at least for one day, dedicate their lives' purpose to the "unknown" outcome that eventually bounces out of that chaotic, silly, little prolate spheroid thing-a-ma-jig-ball-imposter and whether or not it matches the squares they purchased in their office gambling pool.

This spectacle, as it turns out, is what pins American culture together.

And superhero movies. And cheese.

• Otherwise we're talking about soccer amirite?

Hell yeah.

1. 'Muricuh. Phukc Yeah!

Ossaykan UC? By d'Don's Earl eLight?

• Bet on the Chiefs. to win outright.

Actually, check that...

• Do NOT bet ON sPortS.

However, the Chiefs are the lock of the century.

• As are disappointing commercials.

Which, unfortunately, is another sign of our creative dearth as a nation.

1. The Taco Bell commercial controversy will be tomorrow's most read news story.
2. Unless Ms. Swift (Kelce-Swift??? Swift-Kelce??? Hiddleston-Kelce-Swift-Mayer???) dodges the game entirely to, instead, jettison her way down to Lima, Peru for the sole purpose of determining whether or not they have limes.
   1. If that's what today invokes, well... that might just break the internet.
      1. Or at a minimum, provoke the Swifties into taking defensive posture #696 in her defense.

NëiNsensiCaL

• Episode 34 of 53