Pirates. During their heyday in the 16th-19th century when the combined rises of mercantilism, imperialism, and naval technologies sparked an explosion of commercial, exploratory, and political sea-travel, piracy was synonymous with murder, thievery, and rape, but in one of history’s most impressive spin campaigns, the modern image of the historical pirate has had a thorough cleansing resulting in the romantic figure of the swashbuckling hero we know today. One of the principal examples of this curious instance of historical revisionism is Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, a 2003 blockbuster directed by Gore Verbinski that sparked an explosion of wealth on par with the Age of Sail. Lovable Jack Sparrow isn’t a murderer, he just kills fish monsters, skele-pirates, and British people, and no one cares about any of those guys, so he and his crew of rambunctious buccaneers have been able to sail through a stupefying FIVE movies whilst reliably remaining the protagonists rather than the villains. Today, then, let’s revisit this nostalgic bit of popcorn entertainment by ignoring the dismal state of the franchise as it stands and returning to where it all began, when Johnny Depp was a big star, the Magellans were young, and everyone thought a movie based on a theme park ride was going to be a one-and-done kind of thing. Avast, ye scurvy listeners, raise the anchor and loose the main, let us set sail!
