In this week’s case file, the Movie Gumshoes investigate Bullet Train (2023), a slick, neon-splattered hit job starring Brad Pitt as a world-weary assassin who just wants a quiet shift. Detective Ballistic slams the brakes early, arguing Pitt, Hollywood royalty with an Oscar on the mantle has been reduced to punching tickets on a hyper-stylized popcorn express, a flashy cash-grab racing on charm instead of substance. Detective Sourdough, however, sees intent where Ballistic sees waste, insisting the movie knows exactly what it is: a fast, funny, self-aware genre riff that lets Pitt weaponize his charisma, comic timing, and battered-cool persona. As the train hurtles from station to station, the Gumshoes debate whether Bullet Train is evidence of creative derailment or proof that even a “fun” movie can earn a star’s badge, leaving the verdict somewhere between first-class entertainment and cinematic misdemeanor.
