The precinct is in chaos after a bizarre night at the movies. Detectives Jared Jackson and rookie Jonathan “Sourdough” Manno were assigned to investigate the latest cinematic crime scene: Zach Cregger’s Weapons. But their field operation was sabotaged by none other than precinct archivist Dirty Deborah, who, instead of quietly enjoying the screening, orchestrated an impromptu orgy in Row G.
Amid spilled popcorn, shrieks, and audience members fleeing like extras in a B-horror flick, Jared and Jonathan struggled to keep their eyes on the screen and their notepads coherent. Every meaningful glance in Cregger’s labyrinthine film was punctuated by Deborah’s “side investigation.”
Now back in the precinct’s flickering-light interrogation room, the three unlikely collaborators debrief the case. Jared, insists the movie is a coded warning about America’s obsession with violence. Jonathan, ever eager and overeager, suspects it’s really a puzzle box about Josh Brolin's tight vest. And Deborah, between sips of contraband boxed wine, swears the movie is about desire, repression, and the blurred lines between love and annihilation.
As they sift through the evidence, scene by scene, line by line, the Gumshoes begin to realize that Weapons itself may be just a piece of a bigger cinematic conspiracy. Cregger’s film might not only be a horror anthology in disguise, but also a mirror to the chaos they just survived in the theater.
By the end of the night, popcorn butter stains the case file, the chalkboard is covered in arrows and red string, and Deborah has made herself far too comfortable in the precinct. But the detectives agree on one thing: whatever Zach Cregger is aiming at, his movie hits hard.
