April 29, 2021
We are officially in the future. Some would argue a dystopic mother-fucker of a future. I know there are people who get paid to put it in a more alluring way. But enough of the self-deprecating. There is something else to talk about today.
Friends are great. I mean, all around it is great to have friends. Childhood friends are particularly special. When a child picks you, count yourself lucky. There is responsibility in that. And This is no Adam Sandler movie. I was nine, mom and dad had been divorced for a year. Enter Whitney. I was worried, mom having a new fellow could go a million ways wrong. My sister kicked him in the shins, immediately drawing blood. Always be the first to draw blood. Now that hierarchy was established we could get on with the business of getting to know this person.
He was fun and funny. A seriousness interrupted by folly. If adults could be that way, count me in! Too inexperienced to realize the same made him very unreliable, among other life-threatening things. I wonder what you would say about the present state of things. I have a mind to light up to invoke you. I supposed that is where you can find friends when they are no longer around. I’m pretty sure of it.
Through the eyes of a nine year old, you were like the grown-up movie kids could watch. It was funnier because you were not in fact a kid. Now Peter Pan Syndrome to start and narcissistic personality disorder to top. The guy who brought Pink Floyd and Radiohead into our lives. The signs were all there. When you found out I was smoking, I imagine you asked, what? The utter disappointment it was tobacco. Joining the circus would have been a more amusing option. What possibilities that friendship would have opened up. Not to toot my own horn, but I am something of a conversationalist. Mind you, they aren’t all winners. I imagine it would have been great to have your input on a couple of growing-up matters.
I wanted this third parent. Two were already great, the prospect of a third with very cool music and the knowledge of how to grow your own stash were just too promising.
How many years have passed since that sunny day, one just like today, the day I found out you had died?
It had all gone down two weeks before, in Mazatlán. That is what I overheard 24 years ago. While clinging to the tree in front of my house, like a monkey, waiting for my mom to unlock the gate. I had forgotten my house keys. I believe your friend Pete was breaking the news to my mom. Talk about heartbreak. The whole situation broke her heart several times over. Irreparably I think. My mom’s face was the first crack in my heart. Those tears. Then..
Why would you go out any other way? My first friend to bite the dust. I would later learn that it was just a matter of time, that the distance from the family was purposeful. No more cheerleader on the sidelines for joining the circus. You weren’t the type we needed at home, that is for sure. It was nice knowing you were around. Now, sometimes when I need that extra push to just be me, I imagine you would have said something witty and inspirational to say. Your voice through a nine year old’s understanding. Some lessons, and especially people are never forgotten. Read
