Spoken word by Ina Moon
I'm over this year.
The last couple of new moons I've been consciously activating a new chapter.
My life has been books and books of the hero's journey on repeat.
Not only my own but being a character in others stories as well.
The year started off with the magical spell of New Year's Kiss.
Even the hours before should have been a sign.
My intuition was don't go. I went anyway.
My first excited hug to a loved one was...a glitch. That sent me into myself.
Followed by a being seemingly possessed or caught in a loop or downward spiral.
Should have been a sign for me of how the year was to break down.
There was no clock. Time was...invisible in the room of people I was in. We felt maybe it was time-based on energy that trickled over from another room where the "ball dropped". So there was no countdown but eyes looking around like what's happening.
Time was off.
The moment of kiss.
There's a weird time pause that happens at midnight. Like a snapshot of emotions caught in a pixel.
It's like that moment of feelings is what gets zoomed out and walked through for the year. Not the person or people necessarily but the feelings, emotions, state of being. You'd have to really zoom in on it at a nano-level to catch what I'm saying.
For me...it was putting my own very personal feelings aside and pulling 2 others into a late playful silly kisses on cheeks.
Apparently helped them break some past energies up.
For me....it was doing for others, not for myself.
Followed by cops coming in infiltrating.
Everything got quiet after that.
Went "home" and "quarantined".
Seems that's all been happening. Really strange to look at it that way. How can one night in TIME mirror a year so far?
So much I've processed already.
Poly dynamics, time management or mismanagement of a whole tribe of people and family, losing a job I grew to hate but worried about financial security, anger management issues and outbursts, a concussion, quarantined with 12 people for 3-4 months, food scavenging and prep for that many, sanitation and cleaning, not having enough help, gardening, homeschooling, and equipment not working, no socializing for children, children who are now more used to their phones then friends, people who work too much, long distant relationships, more poly dynamics, BLM movements teargassed, trust issues, possessions, children hundreds of miles away, deaths of loved ones, suicide attempts of loved ones, art, snuggling, loaned out my car most of the year, now ditched in Carthage, Tennessee, carless, friendships growing apart, love growing closer, dissonance, disconnect, locked down. Virus eating at our souls, trying to help us grow? Baby witches hexing fae and moon, meth gators, baby eaters, pedophiles, media media media, my heart just seems to wanna sinkhole into itself and yup that's happening now today too, sit by a fire and stare into it till I see a new way. Or stay in my bed till I can dream a new dream. I don't wanna be touched, talked to, cheered up. I want space. To really feel all this. I don't need superficial thoughts or surface-level sweetness. I don't want to hear your deep feelings either cause I am FULL and can't process anything more than all this.
I sense a silver lining coming. But it's soft and quiet. Like a silver wisp. I feel like the only way to catch it is to sit really still and watch for it. It's like you'll have to know its exact coordinates. You'll hear it like a twinkle. Like if tinsel had a sparkly soft sound in the wind. Then you'll see it. But your awe and surprise will direct it elsewhere. So stay vigil.
I am going into still point. To wait.
I've been putting others before myself this whole year.
I'm choosing me now. And it starts like this.
Into the void.
