Hello and welcome to The Anxious Attachment Solution — I’m Amber Lynn. In this episode I walk you through what happens inside your brain when anxious attachment is activated, how that creates reactive patterns, and (most importantly) a simple, repeatable framework to communicate clearly so you don’t add fuel to the fire.
What we cover
- Why triggers turn into survival mode (fight/flight/freeze/fawn) and how that creates drama, blame, and miscommunication.
- The difference between reality and the story your anxious brain makes up about your partner.
- A practical, step-by-step practice: PAUSE → REFLECT → REGULATE → RECONNECT → REPAIR (how to actually use it in the moment).
- Exact words and short scripts you can say to your partner when you notice a big reaction — examples you can personalize.
- How to rebuild trust with yourself (so you rely less on your partner to soothe you) and speed up repair when you do react.
Key takeaways
- Awareness is the first act of power: name the trigger before you act.
- Your partner is not responsible for fixing your inner story — you are.
- Ask for space without abandoning the conversation: explain you’ll step away to process and come back.
- Practice short regulating tools (walk, cold water, journal, breath) to calm your nervous system.
- Reconnect quickly with repair: apology, physical affection, and clarifying the real problem.
Scripts you can use
- “I’m getting really overwhelmed right now. I need a few minutes to calm down so I don’t react. I’ll come back and talk.”
- “My anxious attachment is triggered — I’m going to pause and process this so I can be present with you.”
- After: “I’m sorry I got reactive. Here’s what I was feeling and what I learned about my reaction…”
Who this episode is for Anyone who wants to stop the same fights from repeating, learn how to self-regulate, and show up as their most connected self in relationship.
If you found this helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share with a friend who needs this reminder: you can learn to pause, not panic. Want the worksheet for PAUSE → REFLECT → REGULATE → RECONNECT → REPAIR? DM me or visit my link in the show notes.
Links and Resources:
Let’s Connect:
- Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
- Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
- Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching
Email me at Amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com for a free one hour consultation
