People don't realize how much their comments affect you because they really aren’t too concerned over you. They are far too busy thinking about themselves. People are worried about what others think of them. They have no clear idea about how you feel because they aren’t you. So when they say or do something that stings, they have little to no idea how much it actually gets to you…unless you show them with words or actions.
Even more importantly people use teases and taunts to get a laugh. They think what they say is funny on some level, which means you can join in on the joke if you know how.
You can’t fake finding them funny. You have to get to an inner place of being able to laugh at yourself authentically.
Before I explain how to work this out inside yourself, I must say turning teasing and taunting into a joke is natural because they are both meant to be funny. Put downs that fall outside the realm of humor, shouldn’t be handled as jokes.
Making this work can be broken into two aspects: The first is how you actually feel about each of your own imperfections (acceptable or unacceptable). The other is how you feel about the person doing the teasing or taunting (trusted, unknown, untrustworthy).
The more you own your insecurities, flaws, imperfections, vulnerabilities, difficulties and differences, the more others will accept you for who you truly are.
Anything you believe is wrong or shameful about yourself, others will pick up off you, your actions and words. Once you change the story within, they will follow your lead.
Make a list of what others might make fun of about you. What they might have already made fun of. Give yourself permission to accept those parts of yourself by letting go of the unnecessary shame you attached to it.
You “go first”. You drop the rope on your end from the inside, by letting go, and the resistance or tension caused by teases and taunts will become comical naturally. Let the dropped tension hang in the air long enough for others to have to figure out what to do with it. They will always turn it into humor if indeed it’s funny.
You’re about to see this happen in your own life. When you finally drop inner resistance to your own imperfections and let that tension hang in the air, people will have to convert the energy into something else, and they almost always go with humor.
Non resistance is the way to let the real you out. You can never be truly seen, known or connected if you’re resisting aspects of who you are. People don’t have to worry about offending you when you’re already cool with yourself. Others have insecurities too, and they can be free in front of you. Suddenly the person whose judgment you once feared is now feeling comfortable with you, and they want you to like them.
The other aspect to shifting the direction of making fun and have it go in your favor is to change how you feel about the person doing the teasing or taunting...
When you ask yourself if they are trusted, unknown, or untrustworthy, you put the power in their hands. Bully food. Oh I can take this person’s comment as a tease b/c they’re my friend. Oh, I have to assume this person is dissing me, b/c they’re a stranger. I have to feel bad about the bully’s taunts b/c they are untrustworthy and therefore mean me harm. This is telling your lizard brain you aren’t in charge of yourself.
The only person you absolutely HAVE to trust is yourself. If you trust your own take on your personal qualities, you will be able to detach negative meanings, you will be able to find the humor, and you will be able to express yourself to anyone regardless of whether you trust them or even know them.
Resist the urge to define taunts and teases in terms of who’s saying them, and instead trust yourself to define them with your own level of humor. Always use humor when others make fun as long as you can see the fun too.
