Overcompensation: Anyone’s impulse to a large painful problem is to solve it as quickly as possible. When we are convinced by our stress and anxiety we solve problems through our fear response.
It makes sense we want to go to extremes and even overcompensate to resolve our problems, but it’s a mistake to do so using the threat response if the problem isn’t an actual grizzly bear.
I’m not ask for you to stop trying to beat your bully. NO NEVER! The whole podcast is about beating your bully. I’m asking you to start using the opposite of FFFF to get results.
The reversal of fight is accept and respond:
Just by listening to this podcast, you show willingness to accept and respond vs deny and pass the buck. Accept whatever comes up as information you can work with. If you bury your head in the sand, you deprive yourself of info and options.
The reversal of flight is show up and face it:
Facing is walking toward them (instead of being chased). It’s moving slowly and or in your own way rather than
The reversal of freeze is let go:
Melt, go with the flow, let go to float (not fall) is how to reverse the freeze response. Being bullied hurts, so it makes sense we would freeze up to brace against more pain. Stop caring.
The reversal of fawn is be yourself at all costs:
Stand up for you first! Be willing to be a foe. Give people a challenge. Make them invest in you too. Separate fantasy from reality. If they are on a pedestal in your mind, take them down. Be a friend/equal not their biggest fan or victim.
Work these anti-stress responses into your NEW personality. Here are the steps for that:
1- Accept your personality is not fixed, it can and should change to fit your goals, needs, hopes and dreams.
2- Recognize the FFFF responses you typically go into, and concentrate on adding the opposite anti-stress responses you’ll need to reverse them one-by-one.
3- Start with visualization: Visualization is like a sneak preview of coming attractions for the conscious part of your mind. But did you know your subconscious mind and body believe your imagination is as real as reality. Therefore visualizing is the way to begin believing the new you into being. You have to believe it to see it, not the other way around.
The key to this is to imagine what you wish you could do, or what you wish you would have done. What you’re too afraid to do. What you wouldn’t dare. What the fearless you would do. Who you’d be if there were no consequences. Even if you never go to the lengths you go to in these imaginary scenarios, your subconscious mind will believe you have gone to those lengths, and you will start to see yourself differently from the inside out.
It could be tricky for these images to hold your attention first because they will challenge your current sense of self.
Expect to feel unpleasant emotions about seeing yourself differently, more positively. When the emotions come up, write them down like this: A feeling or fear came up when I imagined walking up to the bully instead of I was scared when I imagined walking up to the bully. It’s much easier and natural to let go of a passing feeling. It’s much harder to let go of that same feeling if you see it as a part of who you are.
Free your mind up by teaching it to believe you can be the version of yourself you want to be. I know from personal experience I only became cool and unbullied when I imagined being carefree. I got so hooked on the idea of not caring and the feeling of freedom, that I carried it out in real life. That’s when the jerks moved on and good friends emerged.
Visualize everyday. Give yourself permission to be inspired by what you’ve imagined. If you’re excited, you’ll be much more motivated to make it happen.
