Stop Trying So Hard, You’re already there. Trying to be something isn’t being it. This goes along with one of our principles, less is more, and takes it a step further into making a low effort.The more you value yourself, the less of an effort you’ll feel you have to make. The lower you value yourself the stronger an effort you’ll feel you must make in order to pass as worthy or enough for others.When you try too hard, you say: I think I’m unworthy and not enough, so I’ll only let you see my best guess at what I think you want. I’ll betray everything in myself that seems unacceptable to make you like me. I’m totally dependent on your opinion of me.Trying to make someone like you, is deeply manipulative and insecure. When you try to make someone like you, deep down you’re feeling you will only be ok with your desired outcome, and that you’re worried you won’t get it. People resent manipulative efforts and are repelled by them even if they don’t quite see what’s going on.Plus over efforting means people will like things about you, not you. Trying too hard is an aimless effort toward a goal you don’t believe you can accomplish. Bullies spot this easily, and they will exploit it.What to do instead? What should making an effort really look like?Pay close attention, and show you care. Ask plenty of questions and listen! Not for what you’ll say next or if you agree, but listen to understand them. Accept what they say. Share honestly about your feelings, opinions, intentions. Be patient, time and space will allow the connection to grow.Here’s how to make these moves easier:End the competition! This is another strategic opportunity to draw the “Tug-o-War” rope.It’s one thing to drop the rope with a bully on the other end and watch them fall on their butt. It’s absolutely next level to drop the competitive rope with those you like and love.But how do you drop the rope in the middle of a competition you desperately want to win? The competition for love, acceptance, connection?Believe you’ve already won. Let this land right now. If you’ve already won a thing, there’s no need to compete, or try for it.A believe is a thought or feeling you have over and over again. Every time you feel yourself begin to posture for others or filter what you have to say, stop and remember there’s no need to compete because you’ve already won. Just thinking about it in this way will allow your subconscious mind begin to see it, reframe and refresh.But don’t stop with thoughts! The true key to changing your mind is to FEEL IT. Imagine what it would feel like to already be friends with everyone you want to know. What would you feel if the friendship was already there? In other words, how would you act around these other kids if you knew they were you friends?As you see yourself belonging with others, you’ll put your entire focus doing all the kind loving things, and doing them will be easier because you won’t be doing them to get something. You’ll be paying attention and caring for the sake of the connection you already feel is real instead of trying to make it come about. The sense of belonging will help you listen to and accept others wholeheartedly even when you don’t understand or even agree. Others will open their hearts to you with every kindness you show them, and you will in turn feel free to share your true self with them.I’ll leave you with a simple question that’s one of my favorite things I ask myself when I get overwhelmed. If this was easy how would I do it differently?
