Two Kinds of Predictable: predictably weak or predictably strong. Either one will eventually send the bully packing, because bullies cannot stand being bored for long, but strength is by far the better path. It’s not only faster but you also get to keep your dignity.
So, if your choice is between predictably strong or weak, the obvious choice is strong, right? Why do so many people choose weakness? Because showing strength has an initial catch.
When you decide to take a stand, you have to fully commit. If you take a stand and then back down, that’s bully food. You’ll create a game of whack-a-mole the bully will find irresistible. This is a common mistake bullied people make when they are fed up and ready to say enough is enough. They stand up to the bully, the bully retaliates, which makes the bullied one back down.
This is why so many people who get bullied choose to be predictably weak. They don’t want to fan the flames. They don’t want to risk sparking the bully or spurring them on. They are afraid to commit to strength, and see it through until it becomes predictable, boring and repellent to their bully.
The reality is all bullying ends due to boredom. It’s up to you whether you’ll be boringly strong or boringly weak.
I know I’ve cautioned you against predictability in the past. That’s because you will want to use the element of surprise to occasionally catch the bully off guard. But a constant stream of surprises is also unsustainable, and even the element of surprise is predictable when it’s constant.
The element of surprise should always come in the form of you leveling up your own strength. Every time you level up and get even stronger, it will shock the bully and stimulate them at first, but ultimately intimidate their underlying weakness, laziness, fear, insecurity and lack of self-reliance.
Your response is everything here. You must commit! Do not hesitate or hold back at all. If you choose to show what matters to you, but fail to hold your ground, they will take shots at you and win over and over again. The only way you’ll get them off your back will be to make it so easy for them, they’ll get bored and move on to a slightly greater challenge. No animal keeps going in for the kill once the prey is clearly dead. That’s why playing dead is a strategy and part of the threat response, freeze.
We never want to default to our threat response when it comes to a bully, because bullies are NOT real threats. They are paper tigers.
If your response is difficult for the bully to figure out, and it’s strong and mocking (we’ll do a whole episode about mocking later on), you might entertain them for a minute because you’ll catch their attention, but ultimately you’ll scare them off. You will intimidate them, you will confuse them, you will bore them.
When the bully can count on your weakness, they exploit it until it becomes boring to them. Until they have squeezed all the power out of you.
When they realize they can only count on your strength, that your strength is consistent, you will squeeze the power out of them, and they will move on to an easier victim. Remember they want to feel stronger than you, and if they don’t, they will become “bored” and choose someone else to bother.
There’s another part of predictability we must think about now, and that is the bully’s: What can we count on from the bully? This is where it really gets fun!
First of all, bullies are lazy and fearful by definition.
Their laziness makes them choose easy victims.
The bully’s fear also makes them choose weak victims.
Cultivate self-reliance, flexibility and control over your own actions and emotions.
