This episode is about two paths: yours and theirs. When you react, you’re going down their path. When you respond, you are walking them down yours.
Stop reacting to them! It’s obvious you don’t want to go down their path anymore, but you do it out of the habit of reacting to them, and that’s only one of many problems your reactions cause:
Weak
Low value
Bully food
Your reality isn’t clear
You have no standards
You will betray yourself
The best strategy to stop your reactions is to default to blank face/say nothing. If you can interrupt your own emotional eruptions with blankness and silence, then you can begin to turn them around so you can consciously choose.
Then next step is to respond.
How to respond instead? First what does it mean to respond exactly?
It’s when you take information from the moment and use it to further your purpose.
To do this you have to be present to the moment and crystal clear on your purpose.
You also have to be hungry and brave enough to follow through.
That’s it.
Now let’s make a plan:
1-Blank face + say nothing. Practice this in response to everything. Good things AND bad things. You want blankness and silence to be your default with the bully. Don’t worry, you’ll always be able to add onto them.
2-Get clear on your standards and purpose. Make a list of your personal standards for how others will/will not treat you. Create a purpose regarding the bully.
3-Practice presence. Meditations, flow activities, listening.
4-Connect what happens around you to your purpose: Once you know what your purpose is, you can connect it to the bully’s behaviors.
5-Get over yourself so you don’t half-ass it:
When the bully reacts to you, as they most certainly will, you’ll know you’re leading them. Your purpose is now the plan for you both because you responded and showed them your reality is strongest. This is why you need to do some reflection exercises ahead of time, because it’s going to feel weird at first to be stronger than them, to get your way instead or them getting theirs and to fully commit to yourself.
Respond to the following sentence starters (as many times as you like) in your journal
Leading the bully down my path makes me feel ____________ because…
I see it as possible to lead the bully my way because…
I see it as impossible to lead the bully my way because…
Leading the bully is easy because…
Leading the bully is difficult because…
You see, leading the bully on your path and purpose is up to you. Remember you have a stronger reality to theirs in some way or they wouldn’t have ever bothered with you. They tested you to see what you’re made of and you reacted to them, which meant you went down their path for a while. That’s fine. You can always change directions and get back on track toward your purpose.
6-Act! Keep the momentum up and make THEM react.
7-AIM TO NOT REACT AGAIN or go down the bully’s path again! They’ll test you. They’ll try to hit the ball back at you. Be ready for their moves.
