My mind goes back to December of 2010. It was cold outside, and Christmas was definitely in the air. I was on my way to a pizza party that I was throwing for the youth choir at my church (at the time), and I got a phone call. Long story short, my grandma (who raised me and was literally my best friend) had passed away… ten days before Christmas. You already know how it goes. I was devastated, and it basically cancelled Christmas for me. Every time I heard Christmas music, I cried. EVERYTHING brought back memories of her. It was terrible. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to endure… but I endured it. I made it through.
If you’re listening to this podcast or reading this blog post, you are more than likely experiencing the first holiday without someone you hold dear to you heart. Maybe it’s not your first one. Maybe it’s your second. Or third. Or twentieth. Regardless of the number, please know that my heart, thoughts and prayers are definitely with you. At the end of this blog, I’m gonna post some additional resources that will help you through your grief process. The process is different for everybody, so don’t ever feel bad if your grief doesn’t line up exactly with any of the resources you read. It doesn’t have to. You are an individual having an individual experience. That’s perfectly okay.
Now, on to the business. I want to share with you a few things that will help make things easier for you during the holiday season. If you have additional coping methods to share, please feel free to do so in the comments.
Number One: Realize that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.
We are often made to believe that “negative” emotions are “bad”. Showing any type of remorse or sorrow or general sadness is often looked at as a “weakness” or something that we should not possess. Please allow me to dispel that myth and hammer some truth on top of that lie. It is perfectly okay to miss your loved one. It is perfectly okay to be sad about the fact that your loved one is no longer here in the physical realm. It is perfectly okay to not feel your best. It’s okay. Those feelings are natural. Should you drown in them? No. Should you use them as an excuse to treat people badly or make people pay for how you’re feeling? Absolutely not. However, it is perfectly okay to have feelings of loss, sorrow, sadness, etc. You’re a human being with a heart full of love. Don’t beat yourself up about how you feel. Of course your loved one who has gone on would want you to be happy, but I also believe that your loved one would also be understanding of the fact that grief is truly a process. I can’t imagine leaving this physical plane and NO ONE missing me. That would be terrible. It’s good to have lived a life that causes people to miss you when you’re no longer here. That’s an amazing accomplishment. Don’t be too hard on yourself about how you feel. It’s okay. And if you’re overly happy (genuinely), that’s okay, too! It’s okay to want to enjoy yourself and have a good time in spite of your loss. That’s okay. That brings me to my next point, perfectly.
Number Two: Allow your emotions to remain IN MOTION.
Emotions are meant to show us where we are and how we are really perceiving and dealing with what is going on in our lives. Our emotions are our teachers. They show us how we react to things. They show us what is near and dear to us, and what has the power to affect us. There is nothing wrong with having emotions – they are a part of our nature. The problem comes in when we do not allow our emotions to remain in motion. When we don’t let our emotions stay in motion, we begin to act out of character. We begin to live in our emotions and not in the place of peace and balance that we were created to live in. When you feel those waves of sadness, feel them. Feel them deeply. Pay attention to how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling.
