Hi everyone!
We’re back with another Takeover Tuesday, with a long-time friend from back in the days of e-mail listservs and internet message boards, which reminds me: Fluke is so suck. Fuck Fluke. Sorry, inside joke. Anyway, today’s review will be brought to you by Shane Hyde, who you can find on Twitter @lordkhadow, that’s L-O-R-D-K-H-A-D-O-W, and probably because Captain Bladdow and other onomatopoeia-laden handles were taken. He mostly lurks, but maybe you can pull him further out of his Twitter shell.
Take it away, Shane!
Kia Ora, I'm Shane Hyde and I'm your reviewer for Takeover Tuesday. Originally from Aotearoa, I'm an immigrant to Australia, living up large in The Lucky Country.
Today’s movie is “Event Horizon”, the science fiction horror thriller directed by Paul W.S. Andersen and written by Philip Eisner. Event Horizon follows the rescue and recovery mission to Neptune where the titular ship has reappeared after being lost for seven years. And things go wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.
Spoilers ahead.
Event Horizon follows William Weir, played by Sam Neill as he joins the crew of the Lewis and Clarke, a rescue ship captained by Miller, played to stoic adequacy by a pre-Matrix Lawrence Fishbourne. The largely disposable crew of the Lewis and Clarke include Jason Isaacs as D.J and Sean Pertwee as Smith. The rest of the crew all first names as befits their rather uninspired personalities as well as their ultimate unimaginative deaths.
I have learned that my 1997 memory of the film is greater than the movie now. Where before an amazing series of deaths as the influence of the now-living ship's immune system attacks the invaders, these are now a tired series of tropes each one by-the-numbers and trite. The only true sense of horror comes from DJ's offscreen death, he’s presented hung from hooks, organs spilled onto a surgical table. At least in Hellraiser, which was a clear influence, the director had the guts to show this happen. Every other death is predictable and yawn-inducing. Is Event Horizon better for the deaths of the crew of the Lewis and Clark? We don't care. The visions of Hell's bloody orgies are a much more jarring impact than the loss of the crew.
This movie begs for a remake or a remaster. Even while some of the effects are dated, the model shots of the exterior of the ship convey the menace of a death-cathedral which I found intensely pleasing.I could go on and on about the official soundtrack release that came with the movie, but it's sadly missing throughout the film much to its detriment.The Prodigy's Funky Shit is a jarring outro. I thought this in 1997 and I still think it now.But Event Horizon's great misstep is the script. It’s bad, it’s tired, IT’S trite, and it makes no goddamn sense.
Event Horizon is an example of a great premise BUT terrible execution. Viewed through a modern lens it is left sadly lacking. Most of that is down to the script. There are better bad movies. Check those out first.
Rotten Tomatoes: 22%
Metacritic: 35
One Movie Punch: 4.2/10
“Event Horizon” (1997)is rated R and is currently streaming on Amazon Prime, Hulu, and Epix.
Don’t get me wrong; There are moments in the script that are quite special; Smith’s “…this ship is fucked” and Miller’s “Fuck This Ship”. But the best? “Oh my god, what happened to your eyes?” “Where we’re going, we won’t need eyes.”
Oh pah-lease.
This is Shane Hyde, last surviving officer of the Event Horizon, signing off.
