NARRATOR: “Welcome... to Reign of Terror 2019! 31 straight days of horror movie reviews and interviews. Today’s episode will guest star Lindsey Morse from the Fab Figmentals Podcast, who will be reviewing Wes Craven’s franchise classic, ‘Scream’. A promo will run before the review.”
NARRATOR: “But for now, let’s turn our attention back to the fate of our host, Joseph, in Part One of “A SPACIOUS TRUNK RIDE”.
/////
SCENE: Car trunk interior. The sounds of the highway are heard outside.
JOSEPH: “What the... where am I?”
NARRATOR: “While most stories begin at the... well, the beginning... our story will begin in the middle, or perhaps more correctly, inside the surprisingly spacious trunk of an unknown vehicle.”
JOSEPH: “How did I get here?”
NARRATOR: “It is a difficult question to answer. Of course, when we last left Joseph, he had just finished up another quarter of One Movie Punch, your daily movie review blah blah blah, and closing up the One Movie Punch Secret Volcano Lair when...”
JOSEPH: “Now I remember.”
NARRATOR: “Of course, that still didn’t answer his question, but it was at least an answer. And, as often as not, that usually leads to more questions.”
JOSEPH: “OUCH! What the
NARRATOR: “It was just one of many questions floating around in his head, trapped there in that trunk, with his hand tied behind his...”
JOSEPH: “Freed those, already.”
NARRATOR: “...with his free hands, fumbling around the interior until he stumbled across a tool.”
JOSEPH: “A cell phone?”
NARRATOR: “Not so much a smart phone, but a dumb one. After a quick exploration, it was only capable of receiving calls, and for some reason, interacting on Twitter. It was an oddly specific set of limitations, but it had the one he needed. If only it would ring.”
JOSEPH: “Yes!”
JOSEPH: “Hello?”
LINDSEY: “Why don’t you want to talk to me?”
JOSEPH: “Uh, you called me.”
LINDSEY: “You tell me your name; I’ll tell you mine.”
JOSEPH: “Uh, Joseph.”
LINDSEY: “I’ve got a question for you, Joseph.”
JOSEPH: “You do?”
LINDSEY: “Yes.”
JOSEPH: “And the question is?”
LINDSEY: “Right. I mean...”
LINDSEY: “Do you like...”
JOSEPH: “Yes...”
LINDSEY: “DAIRY SMOOTHIES?!”
JOSEPH: “Wait... what?”
LINDSEY: *No Effects* “You know, like a healthier milkshake?”
JOSEPH: “I... I think you have the wrong number.”
LINDSEY: “Oh. My apologies, Joseph. Would you like to answer the question anyway?”
JOSEPH: “No.”
LINDSEY: *No Effects* “Okay, bye.”
JOSEPH: “Wait, I’m...”
JOSEPH: “OW! Stupid trunk.”
NARRATOR: “It was the first call he would receive trapped in that trunk. But it wouldn’t be the last. Tune in tomorrow, to find out where his trunk ride of terror is going. It’ll be a ‘Scream’…”
NARRATOR: *evil laugh*
NARRATOR: “Actually, it will be a ‘Scream’. ‘Scream 2’ to be precise, with special guests from the Donna Martin Graduates podcast, a podcast dedicated to Donna Martin on Beverly Hills 90210. Anyone volunteering to tell her about Tori in the first film? Yikes. Awkward!”
/////
<< FAB FIGMENTALS PROMO >>
/////
Today’s movie is 1996’s “Scream”, the American slasher film directed by Wes Craven and written for the screen by Kevin Williamson. “Scream” follows Sydney Prescott, played by Neve Campbell, a small-town high-schooler who becomes the target of a killer called Ghostface. The horror movie-obsessed Ghostface, famous for his black cloak and iconic white mask, stalks Sydney and her friends throughout their home town of Woodsboro, California, calling students on the phone and demanding they correctly answer horror movie trivia questions… or else.
No spoilers. Well, maybe some little ones, but I’m not gonna tell you whodunnit.
“Scream” opens with an iconic, oft-spoofed scene: Casey Becker, played by a blonde, bob-haired Drew Barrymore, is home alone. Never a good place to be at the start of a horror movie, let’s be honest. While cooking popcorn, she receives call after call from an anonymous caller whose seemingly flirtatious questions take a dark turn. When Casey mentions that she’s about to sit down to watch a creepy flick on TV, the caller spouts out what has since become one of the most famous movie lines of all time: “Do you like scary movies?” Aaaand let the murder begin. From here, our killer starts wreaking havoc on poor Casey. If she wants to save her boyfriend — who’s tied up outside and just waiting to get slashed — she must correctly answer some horror movie trivia. Mini spoiler alert, she fails, both she and her boyfriend are killed, and welcome to Scream.
The curtain for our main act opens on Sydney Prescott, the young heroine of our story, who is trying to balance normal teenage life while coping with the recent murder of her mother. But, as you may have guessed from the bloody opening scene, Sydney’s life isn’t about to get any easier. Sorry, Syd. Instead, over the course of the following hour and a half, we get to watch Sydney face off against Ghostface, who clearly wants to add hers to his body count. But, luckily, Sydney has a plucky crew of sassy youngsters in her corner — like Billy Loomis (Skeet Ulrich) as the brooding boyfriend, Stu Macher (Matthew Lillard) as the popular party boy, Randy Meeks (Jamie Kennedy) as the horror movie-obsessed nerd, and Tatem Riley (Rose McGowan) as the smoldering gal pal. Sydney is also aided by is-she-friend-or-foe newswoman, Gale Weathers (Courteney Cox), and local sorta-bumbling policeman, Deputy Dewey (David Arquette). All together, they have great cast chemistry, delivering snappy quips and witty banter with gusto. If there’s one thing not to like about “Scream”, it’s that the film is perhaps a little TOO clever, and that the regular horror film references and discussions about genre clichés make the film a bit too self-aware. Some critics have certainly complained that the film bypasses “fun” on the way to “annoying.”
But there’s no denying that “Scream” is a cult classic. I was a freshman in high school when “Scream” was released, and I remember it being an absolute phenomenon. The movie was released at Christmas time, but despite the seemingly odd timing, everyone who was anyone rushed to see it. Crank calls mimicking the killer’s telephone voice were all the rage, and Ghostface costumes quickly flew off the racks the following Halloween. The costumes were even banned in the halls of my high school; I guess a bunch of teenagers running through the halls wielding rubber knives got really old really fast. And it’s not difficult to see why the film was such a phenomenon: it’s snappy, smart, and a super fun ride. It was probably one of the first horror movies I saw in the cinema, and over 20 years later, it’s still one of my favorites.
“Scream” oozes love for the genre it satirizes, and it fully deserves its spot in the cult classic hall of fame. This iconic slasher film is darkly funny, clever (though some might say tooclever), and entertaining as hell. If you haven’t seen “Scream”, go see it now. If you have seen “Scream”, maybe it’s time you see it again.
Rotten Tomatoes: 79% (CERTIFIED FRESH)
Metacritic: 65
One Movie Punch (that’s me!): 9.0/10
“Scream” (1996) is rated R and available on Amazon, Netflix, Vudu, iTunes, and FandangoNow.
Thanks so much, Joseph, for letting me take over today's episode.
And, for the record, I DO like scary movies.
