This call is about setting boundaries and taking care of your own needs. Today’s caller, Caitlyn, has an expectation hangover about her engagement planning process. She is excited about her wedding, but her family and friends don’t seem to be. We cover a lot of ground and we go really deep in this episode.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode406]
Being a caretaker can be a survival skill. Survival needs can be the need to feel loved, valued, and like we belong. When one of our patterns is tied to those needs, it can be hard to release. Consciously, we may know it’s not healthy for us to be a caretaker and that we should set boundaries but unconsciously, there may be a part of us that wonders who will love us and how we will fit into your family if we stop caretaking others.
When our bodies are working hard to hold all of our suppressed emotions together it needs another outlet for release. Our third chakra, our energy center, is tied to personal empowerment. If we don’t have boundaries and allow other people to suck our energy, things will shift within the body to compensate. We can manifest a physical ailment when keeping emotional issues bottled up or by not feeling empowered.
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
Is there a current expectation hangover upsetting you and reminding you of something that happened in the past?
Do you relate to being a caretaker in your life? Are you afraid to stop taking care of others because you fear losing love or validation?
Is it challenging for you to set boundaries? Do you say yes to things when you really mean no?
Do you over-compromise and sacrifice your own needs because it is easier than upsetting people?
Is there a prolonged physical condition you are dealing with that cannot be resolved?
Caitlyn’s Question:
Caitlyn wants to know why she is having so many expectation hangovers while she is planning her wedding.
Caitlyn’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She wants more support from friends and family about her wedding.
She is trying to get out of the caretaker role in her family.
She has always been a planner.
She feels tired, disappointed, and hurt during the wedding planning process.
She stepped into the caretaker role in her family as a teenager.
She was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at thirteen.
She taught people how to treat her.
She is manifesting her physical condition.
She gives away her power by always taking care of others.
She puts herself last.
Emotions were not expressed in her family.
Her sister is also planning a wedding.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
Put herself first and not worry about other people’s upset.
Allow herself to feel her emotions.
Connect and talk to her younger self.
Say thank you to her illness for sending her a message.
Start writing from her heart with release writing.
Have self-compassion and know it is okay to be seen.
Talk to her sister about the things that matter to her.
Forgive herself for buying into the understanding that being a caretaker is a way to get love.
Takeaways:
If you are dealing with any type of expectation hangover, go back in time and ask yourself, “What does this remind me of?”
Do the “empty chair” process at home.
Let things go through journaling and release writing.
Set and stand by your boundaries with people and let them be upset.
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
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@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
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