Discussion Question 1: What does continuous seasons of suffering lead to?
Discussion question 2: Which of Peter’s strategies for dealing with self-pity during suffering could you try this week: Pray earnestly, love deeply, show hospitality, discover/use your gift?
Discussion Question 3: Where do find the strength to live out this strategy in continuous seasons of suffering?
2/6/2021
1 Peter 4:7-11
Living without Self Pity
As we travel through 1 Peter, we have seen that he is talking about suffering, more suffering, and suffering again. It’s like he cannot stop talking to the church about suffering.
The context of the book is a letter to a church that is enduring much suffering. The Emperor Nero is in power over the Roman Empire, and he has used the Christians as scapegoats for his campaign – a sort of common enemy for the people to unite over. As the Christians are being killed, driven from the homes, as their businesses and way of life is being destroyed, Peter says to them “God is at work - respond in kindness”.
God was setting the people up so that he would receive glory. When you are unkind to people you expect them to be unkind back, but when they respond with kindness it makes you stop and think “this person is different…what is different about them” and in that, they get to tell the story of God’s love. But Peter says that nots always the case. Sometimes instead of someone stopping the unkindness, they actually persecute you worse. Peter says don’t despair, God is actually letting this happen so that he will be glorified all the more.
The truth is so hard… getting treated poorly when you have done something wrong is expected, but not when you have done something right.
As we enter this passage, Peter doesn’t relent on this message of suffering… it keeps coming. Peter says “The world is coming to an end” – imagine him with a sandwich board walking around the churches – the situation seems dire, and really hopeless. When you are facing a season of intense suffering, isn’t this how you feel?
Do you remember the story of Job? He lost his sons and daughters, all his wealth, and his health. His statement in response was “Why is life given to those with no future, those God has surrounded with difficulties?” There is a hopelessness that comes in suffering. Have you experienced that? Are you experiencing it in this season?
As we look at our text this morning, we want to tackle it by asking three questions. First, what can continuous seasons of suffering lead to? Second, what is a great strategy in continuous seasons of suffering. Third, where do find the strength to live out this strategy in continuous seasons of suffering?
Take a minute to read our text and ask God to help us understand it.
Our first question: What can continuous seasons of suffering lead to? Peter tells us “the world is coming to an end”. This is not exactly a hopeful statement but what does he really mean? Is he saying that the world is literally coming to an end – like asteroids are going to hit it or the death star is going to shoot at it? Or is he saying it in the context of “I’m not sure how much more of this I can handle…the world is coming to an end”.
Like a parent who has been at home all day with her kids, trying to get them to do school online, all the while trying to work themselves, and then having to clean and cook. At some point, if that parent is married and the other parent walks through the door, they will say “the world is coming to an end – you take over before I do something I’ll get put in jail for”.
When we are in prolonged seasons of suffering, what begins to happen? Psychologists tell us that people who suffer over a long period of time typical turn their suffering inward. Psychologist Steven Stosny, says in Psychology Today that when “pain generalizes, it seems to be about the self – a kind of self-ache. As the alarm of pain intensifies, fixing our focus on distress, we become self-obsessed. Eventually we identity with the pain in a subtle or overt victim-identity”. For those of us without a Ph.D let me tell you what he is saying. People who suffer over a long period of time typically (not all) suffer with pessimistic self-pity.
The heart begins to say “woe is me, this will never change” or “I will never get out of this”. The heart begins to sabotage itself thinking everything is hopeless. It says what’s the point of trying, it’s only going to break again, or what’s the point of dreaming only to be disappointed again. Peter says it like this…“The end of the world is near”.
Both secular and Christian counselors agree that self-pity is one of the most dangerous traps that a person can get themselves in. It’s like lowering yourself into bottomless pit without any way of getting out. It is incredible to see how vehemently both secular and Christian counselors distained self-pity stating that no good can come of it – like poison is to food, self-pity is to life.
But if you have undergone suffering for long periods of time, pessimistic self-pity seems like a justifiable response. The hurt is real. The pain is hard. The physical, emotional, social, spiritual, intellectual toll takes its effects, and it gets harder to bounce back from.
It is easy to see how the people that Peter are writing to, those who are continuously suffering unjust persecution would be able to turn to self pity – the world is coming to an end.
Discussion Question 1: What does continuous seasons of suffering lead to?
If continuous seasons of suffering can lead to the disastrous one-way road of self-pity, let’s ask our second question: What is a great strategy in continuous seasons of suffering? The beauty here is that Peter gives us tremendous hope – if you are in the throws of self-pity right now, or if you are teetering on the edge because of this long season of suffering that we are in, there is a remedy.
It’s important to note the Peter’s remedy doesn’t include the circumstances changing. There are times that you can work hard to change your circumstances, but there are other times (like the one that the scattered church that Peter is talking to is in) that you cannot change the circumstances. Peter’s strategy does not include changing the circumstance.
Peter gives us four strategies for continuous seasons of suffering: Be earnest and disciplined in your prayers. Show deep love for each other. Share your home with people in need. Learn to recognize the gift God gave you and use it.
(Verse 7) Be earnest and disciplined in your prayers. Prayer in our society is often simplified to asking God for something. Yet what we see in the Psalms is a much broader perspective on prayers. Tim Keller says that the Psalms is actually praying our emotions. Religious stoics often tell us not to trust our emotions while secular people say you are your emotions, but the Psalms give us a different take: validate your emotions and pray them out. There are Psalms on grief, joy, sadness, worry, loneliness, confusion, excitement, anger, hope, boredom, frustration, embarrassment, guilt, shame – you name an emotion and there is a Psalm on it. And those Psalms teach us not to live in those emotions, but rather to validate and then pray through them acknowledging who we are and who God is. So incredibly helpful! Peter tells us to be earnest and disciplined in your prayers, sure pray for those around you, but in a time of suffering, be diligent to pray through your emotions.
Second, show deep love for each other (verse 8). Peter says this is ‘most important of all’ and that it ‘covers a multitude of sins’. In times of suffering it is very easy to interpret life in a extreme or blurring way. When we are emotionally, physically, socially and spiritually exhausted, we jump to conclusions, are unable to offer grace and mercy, unable to give the benefit of the doubt. But Peter tells us to go above and beyond – show deep love for each other. Give the benefit of the doubt, be emphatic or at least sympathic in a situation…this will cover a multitude of brokenness.
Third, share your home or give a meal to people in need (verse 9). It’s helpful to understand culture when looking at this verse – there were no hotels, fast food restaurants, or even gospel missions and government backed social programs in this culture. If a person was traveling, between homes, or down on their luck, the only way to be taken care of was through the hospitality of others. Come stay with us, come eat with us. Peter is telling them, look out for those in need and give what you can. Have you ever considered that Jesus didn’t own anything – he had no home, nowhere to lay his head – yet he was the most generous person of all times? Sometimes our hospitality is a bed and a meal, but often times it is a kind word spoken in tenderness – it takes no money to do this.
Finally, Peter tells them to learn to recognize the gift God gave you and use it (verse 10-11). When a person becomes a Christian God gives them a special gift that they can use to encourage others with. That gift might be administration, leadership, preaching, counseling, encouragement, showing mercy, prayer, speaking in tongues, interpretation of tongues. There are a lot of gifts, and we need them. So Peter says figure out what that gift is and start using it.
So there are four strategies – pray earnestly, love deeply, show hospitality, use your gifts. Do you notice any common theme in these four strategies? They are all focused outward. Each one helps us get our eyes off ourselves in a time of suffering, and puts them on others.
One of my gifts is preaching, so it is very helpful in times of suffering for me to preach – I cannot tell you how helpful it has been in this season of suffering – that continues to get harder and harder for me – for me to be preaching through this book of Peter. And I hope it has been encouraging to you. But another one of my gifts is encouragement or exhortation (encouragement on purpose). Because of my personality (I score pretty high as a enneagram 4), I’m prone to pessimistic self-pity anytime but especially in times of suffering. As I’ve grown older I realize that one of the best things I can do when I start to feel down is pick up my phone and look at porn – just kidding – that would be devastating, but really easy to do. No, the best thing to do is to pick up my phone and start texting people words of encouragement – hey, I’m praying for you today, I’m proud of you, I’m for you. I cannot tell you how this outward focus shifts my perspective and changes my doom and gloom ‘the end of the world is near’ attitude and helps me see clearly.
Maybe this week, if you are feeling like this is a season of suffering for you and you have been prone to self-pity, instead of going to the fridge, binging on Netflix, drinking a little too much whiskey, or any other destructive habit, why not try one of these four strategies that Peter is giving us: Pray earnestly, love deeply, show hospitality, or use your gifts.
Discussion question 2: Which of Peter’s strategies for dealing with self-pity during suffering could you try this week: Pray earnestly, love deeply, show hospitality, discover/use your gift?
We have looked at what a continuous season of suffering leads to (self pity) and seen Peter’s strategies for dealing with continuous seasons of suffering, but I can hear your pushback and the pushback of my own heart in this teaching: Where do find the strength to live out this strategy in continuous seasons of suffering? It is one thing to tell someone who is healthy to do these things, but isn’t it kind of mean to say “I know you are dealing with stage four cancer and you are now in your second year and its unrelenting, and I know you are suffering, but if you don’t want to give way to the dangerous trap of self-pity, you should focus outward.” Wow, that seems to be really unkind Peter!
But look at what Peter says in verse 11 – Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. While Christian and secular psychologists agree that self-pity is one of the most dangerous traps to fall into, the secular psychologists will tell you to work hard out of your own power to pull yourself out of it. But the Christian has the power of the Holy Spirit, the very presence of God within them for strength and energy.
It is important to note here that God gives us all different amounts of strength and energy – it is not the same – but none-the-less, he gives it to us. My encouragement for you this morning if you are struggling in this season of extended suffering and you are either dealing with self-pity or on the edge of it, that you start with Peter’s encouragement to pray earnestly – process your pain in the Psalms and see what strength and energy God gives you.
If you are not a believer in Jesus today, God knows that we all suffer. Suffering can be a great grace because it helps you realize that you can’t do this life on your own, and that you need God. While many religions and secular institutions would tell you to ignore your pain, medicate it, or try and escape it, the merciful God of the Bible validates our suffering and enables a way through it.
Discussion Question 3: Where do find the strength to live out this strategy in continuous seasons of suffering?
Communion: Jesus is no stranger to suffering. He could have gone to self-pity, but instead he chose to obey, and in this we benefit. Let’s confess, repent, and ask God to do a redeeming work in us.
