Rob and Steve talk to Mel Unstead, a Mindset and Life Strategy coach.
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Time code and Topics
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00:00 Intro music.
00:43 Let's talk about bees!
01:57 Queen bee life span.
03:01 Welcome to the show Mel!
03:24 A bit about what Mel does.
04:09 Life coach on the strategy side.
05:01 A bit like a mind mechanic?
05:53 The power of deep listening.
06:49 Simple questions with curiosity.
07:16 Cheat codes for life.
07:33 Relationships challenges.
08:07 Navigating the world of Tinder.
08:47 Difference between counseling, coaching and mentoring.
10:06 Coaching vs challenge you're experiencing.
10:36 Coaching example with a client with a problem.
11:26 Moving forward through a problem.
12:18 Coaching challenge example.
12:35 Still not over my ex-girlfriend.
13:12 Five minutes to find some outcome.
14:55 Mel offers an example and gives feedback.
15:30 Refining the goal and outcome. What you want from coaching.
16:16 Not needing the actual experience to coach.
17:00 Business mentor example.
17:21 Mentor vs coaching.
18:30 Not needing to know the subject matter to be a good coach.
19:15 Stimulating creativity with two people.
20:14 Trying not to be the problem solver.
20:58 More people and brains together the better!
20:14 Wisdom of the Crowd book recommendation.
21:40 Natural herd mentality and individual thought.
22:20 Main reasons people see you.
22:36 Relationships, career and money management.
23:11 Relationship with health and bad habits.
23:51 Basics of eating and living well.
24:24 Role at Southern Cross and health conscious organisation.
25:03 People should know what they are doing with their health?
25:49 Knowing what's right for them and being bombarded by messages.
26:39 It's not that simple, it's about mindset and your beliefs.
27:10 Ingrained habits that are formed.
28:00 Steve can relate to the programming of having to "clean your plate."
28:55 Formative years of habits.
29:44 Pink Floyd quote.
30:13 Habits and traits and how do we break them?
30:41 Being brave and trying something different.
31:05 Trying something different and changing your thoughts.
31:49 Keeping going and not giving up.
32:40 Persistence and discipline. Cutting out that dessert example.
33:30 You have a relationship with food, dessert.
34:20 Steve's relationship with great intentions and poor discipline.
34:41 Too much Netflix and bad habits and can't make it to the gym.
35:16 Mels micro coaching with Steve.
36:01 Rob's advice to Steve.
36:15 Prime example of difference between coaching and mentoring.
36:54 Rob's gym training programme technique.
37:49 Defining the goal of how many times to train at the gym.
38:42 2003 Body for Life.
39:17 A few reflections on the challenge of going to the gym.
40:00 How many gym visits could you achieve?
41:11 Getting to gym 3 times a week and making it stick.
42:05 Eating for pleasure and feel good hormones.
42:50 Being human and being programmed for pleasure vs pain.
44:11 Having discipline in your life right now.
44:54 Work boundaries.
45:38 Having a strategy and plan to achieve your outcome.
46:10 All or nothing approach.
46:46 Rob's advice on training in your mid 40's.
48:00 Getting some cardio from walking.
48:55 What's the benefit and your end goal?
49:26 Being obsessed with training and creating my path.
49:57 Modeling my life on Jean-Claude Van Damme.
50:50 Visualise and dream to create your reality.
51:40 Having the fire and passion that drives you.
52:01 Exercise and having accountability with a Personal Trainer.
52:23 Internal driver aligned to values.
52:49 Values that drive your behaviour and your belief systems.
53:25 Going to the gym to feel attractive to others.
54:00 Basing your drive and sense of self-worth on a subjective opinion.
54:15 Steve's Dads story about getting a good job and attracting "the appropriate mate".
55:50 Challenges of reaching a goal and assessing what's next.
56:47 Now the goal is feeling comfortable in myself.
57:31 We get told what we should think.
58:25 Whatever the motivation is ok as long as it gets you the outcome.
59:23 Not judging what drives you.
1:00:20 We are all conformists on one level and want to be liked.
1:00:55 We get so much advice and listening to your own inner voice.
1:01:40 Why do we do the things we do? Questioning your own beliefs and thoughts.
1:02:16 Life after divorce and re-entering the dating world.
1:02:55 What's the new strategy and doing something different.
1:03:43 The easy fix and talking about Tinder.
1:05:20 What's interesting about Tinder and a client example.
1:06:21 Clarifying what you want from dating and relationships.
1:07:01 Life easier if you are attractive?
1:07:44 The media and the pressure and illusion it creates.
1:08:39 Attachment styles and what are they. The Five Love languages. Dr Gary Chapman.
1:09:19 Words of affirmation.
1:10:00 Earrings and appreciation example.
1:11:03 Quality time.
1:11:25 The Witcher. We love that show.
1:13:11 Acts of service, physical touch and gifts.
1:13:30 An example of showing love with gifts.
1:14:00 Love language for cats and dogs?!
1:14:41 Knowing your love language is really important.
1:15:00 You never tell me you love me?!
1:15:24 How you give and receive love.
1:15:30 Appreciation language at work.
1:16:05 Example of appreciation given but not received the same way.
1:16:44 Leaving little post-it notes as appreciation.
1:17:42 Driving your partner nuts and feeling needy!!
1:19:25 Love language and when you first meet someone.
1:20:00 Is it needy to ask for what you want?
1:20:21 South African culture and business meeting story.
1:21:32 Getting schizzle done!
1:22:04 A whole episode in a Dutch accent?
1:22:26 Mel's journey from South Africa and story.
1:23:56 Attachment styles explained. Book. Attached by Amir Levine.
1:24:16 Three attachment styles.
1:24:24 Anxious attachment style.
1:25:12 Your Brain on Love, Stan Tatkin. Recommend to read for attachment styles.
1:27:03 Coaching and the issue of regulation.
1:27:34 International Coaching Federation. Hours of practical coaching.
1:28:04 Coaching and code of ethics. Privacy. Confidentiality.
1:28:40 How to choose a coach and checking credibility.
1:29:18 Checking a coach's ethics.
1:30:31 Doing what is right for the client and steering them in the right direction.
1:31:18 Coming to a conclusion that you need a counsellor and not a coach.
1:32:18 Doing a discovery call and caring for your client.
1:32:54 Genuinely wanting what is best for my clients.
1:34:05 Leading questions.
1:36:07 Wrap up and amazing to have Mel with us. Thanks for listening!
1:36:37 Outro music.
