This week on Real Talk with Rachael it's the final episode of my church series where we've been engaging in healthy conversations about church and leadership all while keeping our hearts pure in the process. While I'm a licensed professional counselor, I want to be clear that I am not professionally counseling you on this podcast today. My goal is to offer some pastoral counseling by providing you with a system to follow when you're walking through something hard in life through the acronym HEART.
Key Points from Our Conversation:
- H - Healthy Order of Processing: Begin with God, seek support from trusted loved ones, consider professional help, and reserve online sharing for last.
When you’re working through a past experience or emotion, start by giving yourself space to actually feel it. Many people tend to avoid or suppress their feelings, but there’s strength in feeling and acknowledging our experiences. Sometimes, our bodies even hold onto memories physically, and techniques like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help release those memories without carrying the emotional weight. - E - Examine: Explore personal triggers and trauma responses, understanding their root causes. This promotes healing rather than simply avoiding discomfort.
Take time to notice what triggers you. You might feel a reaction in your body, like tension or discomfort, or you may go into “fix it” mode, trying to solve or dismiss the feeling quickly. Start observing your responses and consider how they affect you and those around you. Remember, self-awareness is key, especially if you’re in a leadership role. Being aware of your responses doesn’t disqualify you from being a leader—in fact, it makes you a stronger one. - A - Allow Grief: Acknowledge grief as a natural, non-linear process and permit yourself the time and space to feel a range of emotions.
Grief is a complex process full of sadness, anger, confusion, and even moments of joy. It’s okay to allow yourself to feel whatever comes up without judging it or putting it on a timeline. Let yourself enter that space of feeling, knowing that grieving well actually makes you healthier and stronger over time. - R - Repent: Embrace self-reflection, addressing judgment or unforgiveness toward others or yourself. We’re all accountable as the church, not just those in the spotlight.
Sometimes we need to turn inward and ask ourselves if we’re carrying judgments or bitterness. This one can be tough, especially when we’re hurt by others or witness people, especially leaders, stumble. It’s easy to point fingers, but true healing and strength come when we’re also willing to reflect on our hearts. This is about keeping our hearts clear and open and taking responsibility for our growth and healing. - T - Take Care of Your Whole Self: Prioritize holistic self-care, including emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical health.
Don't forget to tend to all aspects of our well-being—physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Life can be so busy that we often overlook self-care, thinking we don’t have time. But creating margin is crucial. That might mean scheduling in time for a walk, a creative outlet, or connecting with friends who “get it.” Find what fills you up and creates space for you to feel grounded.
Let’s Get Real Practical:
- Screenshot the HEART acronym from today’s show notes as a reminder
- Get a copy of The Care and Counsel Bible
- Share this series or a favorite episode with someone who needs to hear it
Resources:
The Care and Counsel Bible
The Body Keeps the Score
You can find a list of Christian counselors at The American Association of Christian Counselors or through Focus on the Family’s Christian Counselor Network.
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