In this episode, we talk about all things forgiveness. This is one of my favorite topics in the betrayal recovery realm and I realize that we are just barely skimming the surface here.
I start with sharing a bit of my forgiveness story, just to give all you listeners a bit of context on where I am coming from. Bottom line: initially I saw forgiveness as THE solution and so my second run at forgiveness, I chose to take it very slowly, as I knew I had to do it differently.
Some of the other things we chat about:
- the pressure put on women by our Christian culture to forgive
- the fears that come along with forgiving - like not being able to grieve or talk about the pain and hurt anymore once we forgive
- what needs to happen in order to forgive: grief work, knowing what she is forgiving, and getting safe (safety comes before forgiveness)
- the story of Joseph and how he grieves and forgives interchangeably. Once forgiveness takes place, he continues to grieve. We see in Genesis 41: 51-52 as well as in Genesis 50:20 that Joseph is in the process of forgiving, saying big and little yeses. We see in Genesis 42:24 and 43:30 Joseph grieving (just to name a few instances of Joseph grieving).
- the difference between grief and unforgiveness: unforgiveness is defined by "the demand for what you owe me" whereas grief is expressing the "pain of how you hurt me".
- what helps her to be able to forgive: him being forgivable - including humility, contrition, talking about it when she needs to, being willing to say "I'm sorry" - many a times.
- what does forgiveness look like when he didn't do recovery work and he isn't safe. Sometimes having strong boundaries can FEEL like unforgiveness.
- Shelley mentions Matthew 18: 21-22 when Jesus teaches that forgiveness, and continuing to do so, is based on our hearts, not on a number.
We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!
- "Forgiveness is both an event and a process. It's one big yes followed by many little yeses as the months and years roll by." - Paula Rinehart, Strong Women, Soft Hearts
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