We are back with part 2 of the lying episode.
We jump in to talking about what helped Jason stop lying:
#1 - Brute force effort to be honest as well as brute force effort to fight the addictive voice inside of him. (Jason said he would argue internally with the man he was fighting to become versus the old, addictive self pulling him back.)
#2 - He came to a place of determination that he could handle the fall out. Out of this shift came one of Jason's core recovery mantra's: I'd rather lose you than lie to you.
I chime in (and possibly take the convo in a different direction) and I talk about how when we lie - we are chipping away at our sense of selves. We become fragmented and disintegrated. Radical honesty is one of the ways we move toward integration and wholeness.
Jason's suggestions for men that are in the thick of recovery and need to stop lying:
Document what the voices in your head tell you (about why you shouldn't tell the truth) so that you know what you will be brute force fight against.
Being accountable with others for telling the truth.
Honesty amends work which will help him come to terms with the gravity of how he has lived.
Identity work.
We then talk about what she should expect - and I start by saying: we should expect him to NOT lie. You will hear me grappling with: should I have been a bit more gracious in the beginning? (Because I truly thought: what in the world is WRONG with him and please just STOP.)
Expect him to not lie.
Expect speedy self-regulation on his part and try to see the progress in him (if there indeed is progress).
Expect that there is a journey that he will have to go through in order to see ALL the ways he has lied.
We land the plane talking about polygraphs - which probably (really) needs to be a whole episode in and of itself.
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