Send Gemma a message
In today’s episode, I answer a short but powerful question that came in anonymously:
“Hi Gemma, I cannot even get a match, let alone a date. What the hell is wrong with me?”
If you’ve ever stared at a dating app wondering why nothing is happening and quietly concluded “it must be me”, this episode is for you.
I'll look at three key areas:
- The reality of modern dating apps – why they create a distorted, “smorgasbord” environment where incredible, emotionally available people are often overlooked.
- Other people’s issues – how emotional immaturity, avoidance and misaligned intentions show up on the apps (and why you can’t control that).
- Your schemas and your “type” – how schema chemistry and rigid “type” criteria might be leading you towards emotionally unavailable partners and away from people who could actually be good for you.
I’ll invite you to:
- Re-examine how you’re presenting yourself on the apps (without becoming a slave to what you think men want).
- Widen the pool by giving a chance to the “6 or 7 out of 10” guys (ie, the level of chemistry you feel! I'm not rating people!) who feel kind, calm and safe – rather than only chasing the intense 10/10 chemistry.
- Remember that your worth, lovability and desirability are not measured in matches.
If you’re feeling discouraged or asking “what’s wrong with me?”, I want you to know: you are not the problem. Dating apps are hard and your current results say nothing about your deeper value or your capacity for a healthy, loving relationship.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why so many wonderful women and emotionally available men get passed over on dating apps
- How our throwaway, dopamine-driven culture affects the way people swipe
- Why leading with highly sexualised photos can accidentally screen out good men
- How schema chemistry pulls you towards what’s “familiar” rather than what’s healthy
- How to gently expand beyond your usual “type”
- Practical ways to pace yourself and protect your emotional wellbeing while dating
Resources mentioned:
- Free guide: Dating with Insight – download via the link in the show notes.
- Love Wisely – my 12-week online group program for women who want to break their pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable, narcissistic or avoidant partners. Doors open again in March – join the priority waitlist via the link in the show notes.
- Episode 130 – on cultivating a new dating mindset (recommended companion episode).
Support the show
🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight
🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Early March 2026
💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle
Connect with Me
🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone
📩hello@drgemmagladstone.com
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