Is money that big of a deal in a relationship as everyone makes it out to be?
Yes, 1000%. I’d venture a guess that at the core of 99% of marriages ending, money was the key factor. And when it comes to dating, a lot of people would have saved themselves time and heartbreak if they handled money differently in the relationship.
People don’t ask difficult questions about money.
Usually, we go about this in a roundabout way. “What kind of job do you have?” is usually how we make our first assumptions but that really doesn’t mean much. I know electricians that are millionaires and lawyers that are living paycheck to paycheck.
A better question would be:
“If you got $10,000 dropped in your lap right now, what would you do with it?”
Does their mind go to spending it? Saving it? Investing it? A mix of those?
Then ask a powerful follow up question. “Why?”
Know what they will do is important. Knowing why they would do it is even better.
Do you understand their attitude towards money?
Are they risk takers or hoarders?
Both have upsides and downsides. Risk takers tend to do better at investing but gone to far can develop gambling habits and lose money. Hoarders are great savers but will never get ahead because risk of investing keeps them from making their money work for them.
Knowing where they stand and how extreme the attitude is will help understand what to expect from them.
Lack of synchronization of goals
He wants a house but she wants a lavish vacation. He wants a drone but she wants a new coffee machine. If you aren’t aligned with your monetary goals, then someone isn’t getting what they want and this will cause stress in the relationship. Even worse, both people are getting what they want and driving themselves into a pit of debt to do so.
Got credit card debt?
If you do, its not the end of the world. The bigger questions are:
- How did you get credit card debt?
- What’s your plan to pay it off and by when?
Debt is not created equal. What if they have $20k in credit card debt but it was to pay off an emergency medical procedure and they didn’t have insurance? What if they really wanted a new pair of Gucci shoes and Prada bag once a month and figured they’d make enough money to pay it off later?
Inability to Compromise
Usually in a relationship, especially in a marriage, there is one person who is handling the finances. Even when dating, if you two want different things but it’s a stretch financially to do both, then it you should be able to compromise or defer to the other person from time to time.
Too often, the person in charge of the finances ends up calling the shots which makes the other person in the relationship feel less in control and can hurt trust because they feel demeaned.
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About Lifebuilder
The Lifebuilder Podcast helps ambitious entrepreneurs and leaders gain clarity, eliminate distractions, and achieve their goals faster. Each episode gives practical strategies for personal growth, productivity, and building a meaningful life. If you want clear direction, better focus, and proven frameworks to win at life and work, this show gives you the tools to get unstuck and move forward.
