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You said yes again. And this time, instead of feeling good about it, you feel a little resentful, a little tired, and a little confused about why. Sound familiar?

We've been sitting with this question for weeks: is people pleasing always a bad thing? Turns out the answer isn't as clean as “yes, obviously.” Sami and Angela dig into the messy line between people pleasing, codependency, and genuine generosity, and why the exact same action (saying yes, showing up, cooking the meal, throwing the party) can be healthy in one moment and a warning sign in the next. It all comes down to motive: are you doing this because you're afraid of what happens if you don't, or because you actually want to? In this episode, we dig into:

• Permission to stop assuming that saying yes automatically makes you a people pleaser
• A simple gut check for telling generosity apart from fear (does it fill you up, or leave you resentful?)
• Real language for negotiating the how of a request without abandoning the yes
• Why “let me check and get back to you” might be the most underused boundary phrase you have
• A different way to read your own “indicator lights” before you agree to something big

Angela walks through a friend whose parent is turning 90 and wants a very specific kind of celebration (think a six month memory book, not just cake and candles), and how her friend is learning to say yes to the celebration without saying yes to every single ask inside it. Sami brings it home with her own holidays, a women's retreat invitation she said yes to without hesitation, and the husband who somehow always knows the difference between “that's an honor, we'll make it work” and “are you sure you want to add that to your plate?”

If you've ever felt guilty for setting a boundary, or wondered whether the resentment building up in you means you need to say no more, this episode gives you a real framework instead of a guilt trip. You get to want to show up for people. You just get to be honest about why.

Press play on this one before you say yes to the next thing on your plate. You might find out you've been harder on yourself than you needed to be.

Related Episodes

• EP6 — Self-Awareness & People-Pleasing: The episode this conversation traces back to, on the gap between your internal self and the self you perform for other people.
• EP148 — Setting Personal Boundaries: The practical toolkit for holding a boundary out loud, once you've figured out which ones actually need holding.
• EP198 — Mom Guilt & Parenting Boundaries (with Dr. Juhi): A deeper dive into holding a boundary without the guilt spiral, especially relevant if the resentment you're noticing shows up most with your own kids.

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In this new 6-week program, designed to get you ready for all of your end of the year conversations, Sami teaches you how to notice what’s happening in your body, spot your patterns, and stay steady when conversations heat up. Then you practice your real conversations together in a live Conversation Lab every week.

• Starts Nov 2
• $100, only 12 seats
• Doors close Mon, Nov 2 at 12PM CT.

Grab your seat: bfreakingawesome.com/betterconvos

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