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In this session, Beth and Lisa critique the opening of "Beyond the Moon," a middle-grade contemporary manuscript. The discussion focuses on refining the "hook," establishing a consistent tone, and leveraging character relationships to engage readers immediately.
Key Critique Points
- Establishing Tone and Mood: The opening combines a "creepy" atmosphere with a protagonist who is "giggling." The hosts recommend aligning these elements so the reader knows exactly what kind of story they are entering—whether it is a mystery, a comedy, or a ghost story.
- The Power of Specificity: Using general adjectives like "spooky" or "cool" tells the reader how to feel rather than showing them. The hosts suggest using specific sensory details—like the smell of old paper or the look of a cracked glass eye on a mannequin—to build a more immersive world.
- Strengthening the "Hook": Modern middle-grade fiction requires a fast start. To capture a young reader's attention, the manuscript needs to move the central conflict and the emotional "hook" to the very first page.
- Show, Don't Tell with Characters: Instead of describing the protagonist as a "second-class citizen" in her family, the hosts suggest showing this through a "snub" from a relative or a specific interaction with her "golden" sister.
- Utilizing Interiority: The character’s internal monologue is a powerful tool for middle-grade authors. Using the protagonist’s private thoughts can help establish a unique voice and build an immediate bond with the reader.
Writing Takeaways
- Read the Current Market: Writers should read 20–25 books published in their genre within the last year to understand modern pacing and descriptive styles.
- Front-Load the Conflict: Don't wait for Chapter Two to introduce the primary tension.
- Focus on Voice: The hosts noted that while structural changes are needed, the author has already cleared the biggest hurdle: creating a character with a clear, relatable voice.
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