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Does your relationship feel… quieter lately?
The butterflies are gone. The texts are shorter. Affection feels different. And now your brain is spiraling:
Did they lose interest?
Is this my fault?
Is the spark gone?
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down what’s actually happening when the intensity fades in a long-term relationship — especially if you struggle with jealousy, insecurity, or fear of abandonment.
You’ll learn why early love feels intoxicating, why that high is biologically designed to fade, and why the loss of “spark” doesn’t mean loss of love. For many anxious or jealous partners, this phase is when insecurity spikes — not because the relationship is failing, but because the nervous system is finally no longer distracted.
This episode will help you stop catastrophizing calm, understand your attachment system, and learn how to build security without needing constant reassurance.
Key Moments
• 1:00 – The questions everyone asks when the spark fades
• 2:20 – Why early love feels addictive (and why it can’t last)
• 7:00 – The shift from dopamine to oxytocin explained simply
• 10:00 – Why calm love can trigger anxiety and jealousy
• 13:30 – How hypervigilance replaces excitement
• 17:50 – Why jealousy often peaks after commitment
• 22:00 – When “boring” is actually emotional safety
• 25:00 – Why leaving too soon repeats the same cycle
• 27:20 – Stop chasing the spark — start building inner security
Golden Episode Nuggets
💎 The spark fading is a biological transition, not a red flag
💎 Early love distracts you from insecurity — it doesn’t heal it
💎 Calm can feel unsafe if your nervous system learned love through chaos
💎 Jealousy often increases when things stabilize
💎 You don’t need more reassurance — you need more internal safety
Resources Mentioned
• 30 Days to Different – Learn how to regulate your nervous system, rebuild emotional safety, and stop spiraling in your relationship
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Disclaimer
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
