It doesn’t matter who you are, there are 3 simple words we all struggle to say out loud- Even though we know that NOT saying them could costs us our relationship.
I am sorry
I apologize
I was wrong
Tiny little sentences, but massive impact, and yet, somehow they get stuck in our throats like a slab of concrete.
We would rather stay silent than say them- even when that silence slowly damages the relationships we care about.
Before I talk about those three words- I NEED to talk about The EGO first. The EGO is the reason those words get stuck in our throat.
It all starts with EGO.
We can’t say the three words , NOT because we don’t love our partner, and NOT because we don’t care, BUT because the EGO’s job is protection, and to the EGO saying any of the “three words” feels like losing.
Ego is one of those words that get thrown around a lot, usually in a negative way, and most of us don’t actually know what we mean by it when we say it, so we start thinking EGO is a bad thing were supposed to get rid of , but the truth is you can’t get rid of your EGO. AND you wouldn’t want to even if you could.
Ego is not arrogance & it’s not selfishness. At its core EGO is just YOUR sense of “me”; it your inner identity.
It’s the voice that says :
this is who I am
this is what I believe
this is how I want to be seen
this is how I protect myself
The EGO developed thousands of years ago to protect us. It helps us function, make decisions, & helps us survive. Protection at its core is NOT bad, its necessary
The Good Bad and Ugly of the EGO
THE GOOD- EGO gives us identity, boundaries and self-respect- it allows us to say “that’s not okay’ when something truly isn’t. the EGO helps us know who we are.
So the goal is not to eliminate the EGO, it’s to manage it.
Learning to manage the EGO might be one of the most underrated life skills ever. Nobody teaches it, yet it quietly shapes every marriage, friendship and family dynamic we have.
The good of learning to manage your ego is FREEDOM- Freedom from NEEDING to win.
THE BAD of the EGO
EGO doesn’t measure connection – it measures winning.
It keeps score
It wants to be right
It wants to avoid embarrassment
And it hates vulnerability
The Ugly
When unmanaged, the EGO prioritizes pride over intimacy. Pride in this context, is the need to protect your image at all costs and avoid feeling wrong- it chooses self preservation over connection.
When conflict remains unresolved there, your body feels it everywhere- your home stops feeling safe- and we humans are wired to NEED SAFE connection- it affects our mental health, our immunity and even our longevity.
But what separates strong relationships from broken ones isn’t perfection- its repair.
Its having the courage to say these hard words out loud:
I’m sorry
I apologize
I was wrong
Three small statements - with enormous power. THE EGO will tell you that saying them makes you small and weak- but the truth is- they will make your relationship stronger.
The strongest relationships aren’t the ones without mistakes- the strongest relationships are the ones that recognize their mistakes.. and use their words
Strength in a relationship isn’t about “winning”- it’s about being brave enough to let go of the need to win.
Enjoy!
Joanne Demers
The Aging Mask- A Lifestyle Medicine Podcast
949)236-1529
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