Jude and John, the co-hosts, discussed their experience with high-conflict divorces and the importance of recognizing personality disorders like narcissistic personality disorder. John, who has experience running a narcissistic abuse recovery group, was introduced as the resident expert on the topic. The meeting was set to cover the playbook on how narcissists operate in relationships and the divorce process.
Navigating High-Conflict Divorce Relationships
John shared his experience with a high-conflict divorce, where his ex-wife was diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder, which falls under Cluster B personality disorders. He discussed the challenges of dealing with someone who exhibits such behaviors, emphasizing the difficulty in understanding their mindset and the impact on his daughter. Jude provided insights into the thought processes of individuals with Cluster B disorders, highlighting the importance of focusing on understanding behaviors rather than trying to comprehend their internal experiences. The discussion aimed to offer guidance on navigating relationships with such individuals, emphasizing the need for patience and acceptance of the limitations in understanding their perspective.
Parallel Parenting Strategies
Sergey discussed his challenges with co-parenting his three children with his ex-wife, whom he described as intelligent but alien in her behavior. Jude and John advised Sergey to focus on parallel parenting rather than cooperative co-parenting, emphasizing the importance of creating a safe and loving environment for his children. They suggested that Sergey accept his ex-wife's different mindset and focus on his own parenting time, as he cannot control her actions. John shared his experience with parallel parenting and highlighted the difficulty of changing an ex-partner's behavior, while also acknowledging that some children may still adopt their ex-partner's manipulative behaviors.
Co-parenting with a Narcissistic Ex
The group discussed the challenges of co-parenting with a narcissistic ex-partner, focusing on the importance of validating children's experiences and maintaining strong boundaries. Jude emphasized the need for Sergey to continue executing his parenting time and to be aware of how his ex-partner might manipulate the children against him. They also discussed the importance of Sergey's involvement in his children's lives, as fathers often provide unique experiences that children may not get elsewhere. Jude recommended Sergey explore resources from Charlie McCready to better handle the situation.
Therapist Selection in Divorce Situations
The group discussed the importance of carefully selecting therapists for children, particularly in high-conflict divorce situations. Jude and John warned about therapists who may side with the custodial parent or be manipulated by the non-custodial parent, emphasizing the need to vet therapists thoroughly. Sergey shared his concerns about his ex-wife's plan to involve a therapist in their daughter's life, leading Jude to offer to have a separate conversation with Sergey about this issue. The discussion highlighted the challenges of finding fair and competent therapists in complex family situations.
Parenting Plans and Therapy Support
The group discussed challenges in parenting plans and therapy, with Jared sharing his experience of a revenge filing and difficulty finding supportive therapists. Jude advised Jared to stay involved in therapy sessions and emphasized the importance of controlling the divorce process rather than leaving it to attorneys. Jude recommended connecting with Ben Schooley, a pro se coach, and provided resources for finding a suitable therapist, including Ken Curry at Solid Man. The conversation ended with Jude encouraging attendees to prioritize self-care to better support their children.
