The intro sets the tone with failed barbershop harmonizing and a nostalgia-fueled romp through college adventures, including midnight Denny’s runs and themed menus like the Hobbit-inspired offerings. Naturally, this spirals into a critique of The Hobbit movies and the invention of “Mimosa for Jesus,” a grenadine-enhanced mimosa too good for Rivendell but perfect for brunch. The segment closes with absurd musings about dental visits, the weight of wet bones, and shoving hosts into metaphorical (and literal) lockers. Who needs a narrative arc when chaos reigns?
Scriptures: [00:10:34]
Abish dissects Doctrine and Covenants Section 58 with her signature blend of humor and exasperation, dubbing it “Doctrine and Covenants and Bullshit” for its endless repetition. She highlights Joseph Smith’s knack for rebranding suffering as a holy virtue, sprinkled with shady public rebukes for individuals like Edward Partridge. Between digs at Smith’s manipulative streak and modern parallels, the hosts critique how “divinely necessary” hardships always seem to serve the one handing them out. Add in some spicy commentary on celestial promises that never pay out, and you've got a roast Joseph himself might applaud—begrudgingly.
Church Teachings: [00:33:32]
Moroni leads a deep dive into Revelation’s symbolic "Marriage of the Lamb," where Jesus gets metaphorically hitched to His church. Highbrow scriptural analysis meets lowbrow wedding dress jokes, with detours into biblical fanfic territory and inappropriate metaphorical feasts. Personal stories about sheep farming (and spider-sheep?) somehow add to the theological chaos. If you’ve ever wondered what Jesus' wedding registry might look like, this is your segment. Spoiler alert: no one’s buying him fine linen.
History: [00:53:45]
Abigail pulls back the curtain on Mormonism’s magical roots, from Joseph Smith’s peep stones to treasure digging. The group connects these practices to broader cultural trends while cracking jokes about Smith’s “magic hat” and Houdini-level theatrics. Then, the Houdini deep dive begins: a life of death-defying escapes, petty drama, and debunking frauds. Whether he’s gifting Queen Victoria’s dress to his mom or dunking on Arthur Conan Doyle, Houdini lives up to his "chaotic gremlin" moniker.
And, of course, his death doesn’t disappoint—fatal punches and appendicitis blend into a cautionary tale of toxic masculinity. Bonus content: Houdini’s ghost pact with his wife and how his lack of posthumous appearances became his greatest trick of all.
Wrapping things up, the hosts tease future episodes exploring the bizarre intersections of spiritualism, Mormonism, and Nazism.
Stay tuned!
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